The Digital Personalities of Eddie Vincent

I hate virtual keyboards!

2012-01-15T05:54:00.000-06:00

So, you forgot your frickin' keyboard and now you're stuck trying to write your screenplay on a virtual keyboard? You can't figure out if you want to use standard or split keyboard? Try both. With a split keyboard you'll first notice, unless you're one of those idiots who text while driving, that it is not easy.

If you try typing normally you may be a little more comfortable, but there is a trade-off, as the key board is too small for standard position. The other problem is you have to break the "don't look at your gol-dern keyboard or I'll smack your knuckles with a pipe wrench" rule Mrs. Woods tried so hard to instill in you in 9th grade.

Both ways are insidious and capable of destroying society. Both are acceptable forms of punishment for writers who say they can't live without their Bluetooth keyboard. Of course, speech-to-text is always an option, but carries with it the sad stigma of insanity, as people often wonder why you're speaking dialog from multiple characters.

The only recourse is to vow never to leave one's bluetooth keyboard ever again, or wait patiently for the digital eyes implant, augmentation you've been writing about for the past few years in your screenplays and novels.

Wade Buffington

(written with

"Rule 32: Enjoy the little things."
-Zombielandalternating virtual key PDA s writh auto spellcheck and titled thumbs.)

Cause and Special [A/E]ffects

2011-10-10T08:45:00.002-05:00

In 1996 I created a stupid flying 3D logo for a Christian writer’s website. To this day he considers himself God’s messenger of mathematics. He was a nice guy, but very human and very self-deluded. Of course, at the time, I hung on almost every word he said, or wrote, as I was a complete dumb-shit, a fact which bothers me.

Sure, I’m now an atheist who believes there’s a rational explanation for everything, but I still sense that somewhere in my past I may have been lead poisoned and will probably continue to make many dumb-shit decisions in my future. I suppose I’ll just have to deal with those mistakes when I make them.

Yes, over the past few years I’ve tried to reshape my predilection for cerebral idiocy, but I can’t honestly say I have answers for everything. And, while I’ve trashed my past supernatural dependent ideologies for more rational explanations about the universe, I confess, I really don’t trust other atheists any more than I do religious people.

I confess, I do miss God. I liked him, or I liked the image of him in my head. I believed he liked me, too. But now I see how similar he was to my childhood ideas regarding St. Nick. As a one-time follower of both, I was no slouch.

Now? Now I feel a certain peace about the indifference of the universe. Of course, mindless cause and effect are not always our friends: the rules they follow are unforgiving. If you ingest poison you’ll get sick and die. If you don’t watch your children, a serial rapist may take them away like a predator takes a gazelle on the Serengeti.

And while I may not feel all warm and fuzzy about how the nice guy in the sky loves me and will take care of me and my family, I’m also no longer faced with theological questions like: why does a loving God answer *(1) some asshole’s prayer for his football team to win the Superbowl, while *(2) a little girl’s prayer to be rescued from her criminal abductor is answered with torture, rape, and murder? *(3) Why?

*(1) Insert whatever idiotic or profound example of an "answered prayer" you believe proves the existence and or goodness of whatever God you believe in.
*(2) Insert whatever tragedy you know about which had someone praying for a miracle which never came.
*(3) For those who believe they have a perfectly good answer as to why an all loving, all knowing, all powerful God allows #2, insert whatever idiotic answer you need to keep your faith afloat.

[Eddie Vincent is a fictional character created by Wade Buffington. Views expressed by Mr. Vincent do not necessarily represent the views of Wade Buffington. Any similarities between Eddie and Wade are entirely coincidental.]

Peaches

2011-07-09T19:21:00.006-05:00

[expletive deleted by Good Eddie]

[expletive deleted by Good Eddie]

Aimlessly ignorant bipedal hairless apes with [dinky doodles] or flabby [woo woos]!!!

...

I love peaches.

-Evil Eddie

PS. Good Eddie Rocks!

:)

[Eddie Vincent is a fictional character created by Wade Buffington. Views expressed by Mr. Vincent do not necessarily represent the views of Wade Buffington. Any similarities between Eddie and Wade are entirely coincidental.]

Barnstorming

2011-06-28T07:15:00.007-05:00

My subconscious told me something as I woke up this morning. It said that God is like a barn to park your biplane.

You may not need it, for the world is a big place and you can certainly park your plane anywhere you want to when you touch down for the night, but, if you do, a barn can sometimes keep your plane from blowing away in a terrible storm.

Of course if there's a big enough storm almost anything can blow away.

I've met people who believed in God and, when life tossed them a bad storm, their faith in God blew away. I guess they had crappy barns.

I've also met a few Agnostics and Atheists who cashed-in during one of a life's many storms. Both types, believers and non-believers, didn't make it through the bad storms of life.

Evil Eddie occasionally screams through the bars in his cage that if you believe in God to help you through some of the larger storms in life, using faith as protection, it's okay, but there's always going to be storms and you're pretty much f*cked.

What are the storms? The death of a loved one, pain and suffering, or misery and hopelessness. Perhaps even a really bad movie.

If you live long enough you're bound to see a few storms. Of course if you don't live very long your death may be the storm you leave behind. Pft.

Pragmatic Eddie reminds me that this is the nature of storms and the frail faith of human beings who look for the reason, or the hand of God behind every storm.

And that storms are just a natural part of life. We simply dodge them for as long as possible until one of them catches us unprepaired. Although, I think deep down Pragmatic Eddie is just as afraid of storms as the rest of us.

As far as types of people: I've seen the difference between compassionate and hopeful believers in God and the self-centeredness and hopelessness of the barnless.

The barners will usually cut you some slack, give you a hand and a smile while the non-barners will pass you by or stick a gun in your belly. In really bad storms the barners last a lot longer than the non-barners. It's understandable.

Although I've also met barners I wouldn't trust to take care of pet goat, and I've met non-barners so honest that I'd walk the world for them. It takes all kinds of people to make decent adventure story.

Actually, my subconscious' stormy little story falls apart with a small amount of examination. When you consider that very few barnstormers in the 1920s, back when it was popular, ever parked their biplanes in the barn.

So, scratch all of what I just said, but don't blame the barn gol-dang barn when you live in Tornado Alley or on the Gulf Coast. Amen?

Bible Banger Eddie

(not to be confused with Good Eddie or Redneck Eddie, both of whom still believe in God but are not nearly as eloquent)

[Eddie Vincent is a fictional character created by Wade Buffington. Views expressed by Mr. Vincent do not necessarily represent the views of Wade Buffington. Any similarities between Eddie and Wade are entirely coincidental.]

"Edward Vincent, do you fe-ar death?"

2011-06-19T06:42:00.006-05:00

The scream of each dying member of my crew slapped at my ears. My first mate was thrown overboard into the waiting jaws of death as hungry sharks waited to be his escort to oblivion. The wind and the waves raged over my sinking ship as I looked down at the severed hand at my feet, the fingers of my right hand still grasping the handle of my saber.

“Edward Vincent,” the squid-faced captain said in his thick Scottish accent with a twinkle in his eye and a blood-stained cutlass to my throat, “do you fe-ar death?”

I paused with a thoughtful look, my remaining index finger to my lower lip, “Um ... yes! Yes I do! How soon can I start ... Cap’m?”

-Pirate Eddie

The three-toed horse?

2011-05-22T07:50:00.010-05:00

A lot of people ask me what the "three-toed horse" in my insult, "Fuck you and the three-toed horse you rode in on," means.

This comment actually refers to the evolution of the horse. If you consult the chart below you will see the horse at various stages of development over a period of 55 million years.

Please note both Mesohippus (late Eocene period, 35 million years ago) and the Merychippus (mid Miocene, 15 million years ago), both feature the no-longer-stylish three-toes.

In essence, my insult is not simply directed at the standard jerk who might cut-you-off on any of the world's highways or roads today.

Nor is it simply a different take on the clever "Fuck you and the horse you rode in on" Lone Ranger joke and punch line created on June 14th, 1934, by Robert Nestle, the frustrated second cousin of the famed, Henri Nestle, founder of the chocolate empire. Apparently, Robert was simply tired of meeting people who thought they were better than him and also hated the white-hatted lawman, Robert being more sympathetic to Tonto.

His joke being:

Old West Bar, men playing poker. Lone Ranger comes in.
"You're all under arrest for gambling."
The poker players say, "Fuck you."
"But I'm the Lone Ranger. These are my silver bullets, and that's my horse Silver."
"Well then fuck you and the horse you rode in on."

Many today believe it was actually Robert who came up with the recipe used for the popular candy bar, however, the only thing we have left of him is his joke, which now is as much of a relic as Mesohippus.

The "three-toes" in the insult, if you haven't guessed already, is simply directed at an individual who is attempting to correct one's beliefs or opinions, when the corrector is simply parroting thoughts or ideologies counterproductive to the evolutionary process.

And there you have it. Thanks for tuning in.

-Academic Eddie

I am NOT a Nazi!

2011-05-19T15:34:00.006-05:00

I am not, nor have I ever been a Nazi or Nazi sympathizer. I don’t even like his taste in friends. I’ve only given the Nazi salute behind the backs of really bad supervisors when they told me to do crazy things.

While I’ve always wondered if I would look good in jackboots, I’ve never owned or worn jackboots. Actually, I’ve never even seen a film by Lars von Trier.

So my ties with Nazis are limited to occasionally playing on the German side in EA Games seminal online multiplayer classic, Battlefield 1942, and even then I really, really sucked.

My comments this past week, about me desiring to go back in time so I could be a better father to Hitler, than his own father was, was fueled by my basic and ongoing frustration with poor parenting.

Actually, poor parenting dates back to the Stone Age when Thag the Fire-keeper once told his son, Bud the Goat-fracker/Hunter to stop his activity with the village livestock and practice his erotic hunting skills on the local cavewomen, no matter how they complained.

After all, the other hunters in the village were making fun of Thag and they began pointing out that Bud wasn’t a real caveman unless he was fracking cavewomen. Thag couldn't deal and so he sat little Bud down and gave him the idea to become the very first prehistoric serial killer rapist.

Bad parenting has been a problem for thousands of years. The cause of bad parenting is that bad parents pass on their bad parenting skills to their children, who, in-turn, pass on the bad parenting skills they learned from their parents on to their own children, and so on...

Anyway, back to my unseemly Hitler comment. If you folks don’t want anyone to go back in time and turn Hitler into an ordinary person who doesn’t become an evil dictator, I totally understand your concern as to how history might become muddied. Messing with history is a tricky business.

However, I really do believe the world would be a better place if Hitler had not had such a dick for a father. I mean, instead of beating and belittling him he could have steered his little son toward a different career path.

Had little Adolph been encouraged to become an artist or a famous bowler, or possibly even a swimming pool lifeguard, the world would be a different place. But then again, probably some other asshole would have taken Hitler's place and done even worse things. Who knows?

If you’re dead set on keeping Hitler firmly rooted in history as the monster he was, I’ll leave him alone and concentrate on changing the history of people like Gary Glitter—mostly because I don’t want to feel guilty for pumping my fist every time I hear the “Hey Song”—it is quite catchy.

Oh, and as for my comment about wishing someone would come up with a way to sterilize entire cultures. Really, I just want to make potentially bad parents stop having children.

While I realize that sterilizing the entire Middle East is a bit extreme, and would prevent some really nice people in Syria or Afghanistan from bringing another Ahmed into the world, it’s really hard to not at least consider how such a move might indeed keep future 9-11s from happening. I'm just being pragmatic.

Heck, I feel the same way about the crack heads living in the trailer park down the street.

Oh, and by the way, there's no such thing as time travel, dumb shits.

-Pragmatic Eddie

[Eddie Vincent is a fictional character created by Wade Buffington. Views expressed by Mr. Vincent do not necessarily represent the views of Wade Buffington. Any similarities between Eddie and Wade are entirely coincidental.]

The Whitewashed Tomb

2011-05-17T04:48:00.003-05:00

Everything was painted white. The iron. The semi-sloping walls. The ceiling. Well, not everything. The floor was brownish-grey.

I played with the rusty squeak of the largest of cell doors. It must’ve weighed a ton. As it swung slowly creaking and chattering on its hinges it shuttered and moaned.

I’d never seen anything quite like it. I looked hundreds if not thousands of years old.

The large square area behind it was lit with daylight from several open windows on at least two of the walls. The walls themselves had been trawled unevenly from ceiling to floor.

Small blades of grass crept up from cracks in the floor. Even they seemed to have received a recent whitewashing.

The corners of the floor were almost rounded smooth, with the understanding that underneath the whitewash laid the filth of untold misery.

Who’s? What is this place?

Two non-uniformed men, I think they were men, busied themselves preparing something out in the main catacomb hallways. I couldn’t see how far back the network meandered, but I saw movement far down through every opening before me.

“Okay, if we could have you step this way,” one of the large faceless men said to me. He seemed overly polite, but left me feeling like it would be in my best interest to comply.

Another man, slightly larger than the other, looked at me and smiled as he showed me a much smaller and better kept whitewashed iron door. He said, “Try this one on.”

I looked at the door and the small room behind it as it swung as wide as I could open it without obstructing the walkway. It was a small cell. Floor to ceiling it was a standing room only room. Actually, it was less of a room and more of an enclosure. I saw another standing closed beside it.

I looked and saw a wild-eyed, Charles Manson-like man shut in behind it. I could only see his face through a small trap door which could open and close over his face. The man shook. The bars were not visible on his door. They must have been concealed behind an outer door I hadn’t noticed.

I looked at the man waiting for me to try it on. I thought about not trying it on but he guided me into it with my back against the sloping wall.

My shoulders touched either side of the walls. I looked down at my feet as the man closed the iron in front of me and followed it with the outer door with the little cute face door.

I saw his smiling face. His menacing eyes disappeared behind the closing doorlet in front of my face. My bent knees touched the iron whitewashed cage door in front of me. I was wedged into place very tightly.

Something was pinching my right leg below the knee. I tried to look down to my feet in the dimly lit space and could not bend over. I was wedged-in-tight.

Claustrophobia and fear gripped me.

How long would I be in here?

Was this part of the tour?

What place is this?

I shook.

I awoke to the gentle hissing sound of my C-Pap machine. The hose attached to the head harness still in place and providing my nose with the positive air pressure which helps people like me with severe sleep apnea. When they diagnosed me they said my body woke up close to 300 times a night.

What kind of place was that? I thought as I leaned forward and looked around the dark room.

The digital clock read: 3:41

I felt a little sick to my stomach as I turned off the C-Pap machine and slid off the hose and head harness from my face.

I looked around and lay back down for a moment and pondered the dream.

I shook my head and got up.

I can’t sleep after that.

I guess Eddie starts his day a little early today.

Damn! Hell was a lot more lit up than I thought it'd be.

Well, t'least the caretakers were polite.

-Evil Eddie

[Eddie Vincent is a fictional character created by Wade Buffington. Views expressed by Mr. Vincent do not necessarily represent the views of Wade Buffington. Any similarities between Eddie and Wade are entirely coincidental.]

The Coming Zombie Apocalypse

2011-05-15T08:52:00.027-05:00

I really don't care what you believe, who you are or what you've been told by experts. Aging and death is a disease which may or may not be cured someday--although curing it will be problematic since population growth and environmental stability will also be an issue.

After the human race goes extinct, perhaps the AI robots of the future will come up with a cure and send it back in time along with a way to keep stupid people from breeding. And then the world won't have to put up with people who blow up buildings, behead contractors, sexually molest kids, or put babies in microwaves on the popcorn setting all because their goddamned boyfriend fucked the check-out girl at the corner gas station.

I'm tired of some of you folks. Really. I know you probably had shitty parents and a lot of you don't get enough sleep or oxygen, but goddamn it! What's wrong with you!

I'll tell you what needs to happen. Somebody should come up with a biological or chemical agent we can spread over entire countries and render the inhabitants sterile. You heard me! Sterilize the whole goddamned Middle East!

They may not all be terrorists but they sure breed a lot of them. Okay, so maybe that's not the answer, but if I had a big red button which could make that happen I would surely push it and let the world call me a monster.

I'd also like to initiate a government program called Cash for Sterilization! Sort of like Obama's Cash for Clunkers except instead of $4500 for your old Dodge Dakota Sport or Ford Exploder crack-heads, criminals, and people who simply can’t work within budget constraints, could get cash-in-hand. 20 or 30 years later we could cut spending on social programs by 90 percent!

Unfortunately, both answers would have some people living in Conniption City and I'd suffer for my rationality. Yes, the fix to our evolutionary conundrum won't be answered any time soon. Fucked-up people will continue to fuck and create fucked-up kids who will grow up and be a hazard or a drain on the rest of us.

You think God cares? He doesn't seem to. The Big Guy upstairs is either on a permanent vacation, doesn't give a flying fertility, or, as many of us suspected for centuries, doesn't exist at all! That's what I think.

I used to believe in him. Really, I did. I sang the songs, shed a few tears, I went up to the front and gave him my heart. Yeah, I used to believe in Santa Claus, too. To tell you the truth, I miss Jesus and Santa more than you know. They both seemed like really swell fellows. But I think I miss Santa a little more.

Actually, atheism can be a very freeing philosophy. When one takes the all-knowing, all-good, and all-powerful being out of the equation, understanding that while he could do something about pain and suffering in the world, he doesn't, everything makes a lot more sense.

For the atheist, when bad things happen to good people, it is simply cause and effect rather than some divine plan of the ages.

Taking charge of one's life, taking responsibility of one's own actions, and treating others with kindness and respect is simply the only way to evolve into something better.

For those who would rather see all bad things as divine retribution, or karma, or as part of God's wonderful plan, I say fuck you and the extinct three-toed horse you rode in on. You will one day suffer the same fate.

How do people learn to evolve into positive, generous, caretakers of each other and the planet we live on? Good genetics, good education, good and positive social interaction, which includes good parenting.

I'm not a great man. My wife and I were not great parents. However, we raised our children to be good citizens. We raised them to be considerate of others and respect other good people, while taking a stand against corruption and selfishness.

We taught them to honor life. We taught them not to fear things or people who are different, unless they seek the harm of others.

Are children born Tabula Rasa? A blank slate?

Are we the product of our genetic make-up? Are we genetically destined to embrace insanity if insanity has been passed down to us through our genes?

Perhaps the answer to both questions are, yes. Although, I believe if I could have been Adolph Hitler's father, I could have helped him become a human being who would not have been responsible for the death of 6 million Jews.

If time travel was possible, I would surely try. Mostly because I really hate to see kids suffer. Even if they have shitty parents. Hell, if I had a time machine maybe I could be a good dad to all the terrorists and dictators and serial killers, but I digress. Who would ever have the time.

Okay, okay, I take it back. No red buttons. No sterilization. No going back in time to be a good father to people who grew up to create misery on a massive scale. Goddamnit! Just destroy yourselves. Go ahead! Let the cards fall where they may. If the human race does destroy itself with crazy religious beliefs, superstitions, toxic ideas, and basic human selfishness, we will deserve oblivion.

But if the AI robots of the future who outlive us find a way to revive us, clone us, or resurrect us from the past through time-travel, I offer my assistance. I give them permission to clone my body or do whatever it takes to make the world a better place for those who care but simply don't have the power to rid the world of stupidity.

As I ponder what may be possible in the future, I have decided to do one of the strangest things I've ever contemplated.

On Sunday, 25 December 2011, an aging Eddie Vincent buried a small metal lunchbox in his backyard. It has his DNA in it. If the AI robots of the future will honor and abide by the laws of robotics, as detailed by Mr. Isaac Asimov, and they wish to use him or his ideas to help them rebuild a better world, he promises to comply.

Until then, it's time for Eddie to take his Equate, Men's Health Formula, One Daily, with Lycopene, multivitamin. Health is good and death sucks.

The Robot AI of the future can unearth Eddie's DNA for cloning at the following GPS coordinates:

30.529607, -87.299182
30.529607 -87.299182
N30° 31.7764', W087° 17.9509'

Oh and one last thing. If the human race is destined for extinction, let’s go out with a nice zombie apocalypse, okay? I mean it may not be going out with a bang, but it would damn sure be a lot of fun--just like in Left 4 Dead.

Oh, no, wait! Before the zombie apocalypse, let's do the whole Fallout 3 thing! You know, with super mutants, nuclear fallout, and really cool guns. Yeah! We could all live in a blasted wasteland and trade caps and stuff. Now THAT would be a future worth sticking around for! Sign me up!

Eddie Vincent signing off until next time.

Chance

2011-04-08T09:59:00.005-05:00

We all take chances.

Even people who say they don't gamble.

Life is sometimes wonderful and sometimes an unfortunate series of events.

Both perceptions or realities are contingent upon chance.

A flip of a coin is the best odds one can get, everything else is weighted heavily on the side against our fortune.

Against us.

The fact that we look for the fortune at all, perhaps, means that we understand sometimes chance wins.

We all began our lives through an amazing series of chances. We each beat the odds against oblivion.

The egg and the single cell of a spermatozoa, among millions, were, by chance, brought together to form each of us--truly the only argument for playing the lottery.

After life is made, the rest is dependent upon the chance that...

...our mothers didn't abort us...

...the hospital didn't screw up...

...and our babtsitters didn't give us shaken-baby-syndrome.

Chance.

As soon as we could lift a bottle to our little lips we each began our journey of chance.

We wake.

We crawl.

We walk.

We run.

We walk.

We shuffle.

We sleep.

We die.

When we were young, as we grew, if we ran across the street without looking, we took our chances.

Decisions are all built around elements of chance.

There is no "sure-thing."

We can follow our own guidence, or choose to follow the advice of others, be they wise or foolish.

We can choose to attend college and choose a career track we hope will either bring us happiness or money, or both, but there are no guarantees.

A lawyer.

A doctor.

A teacher.

A writer.

An Artist.

A Mortician.

Chance.

The relationships we choose are also built upon chance.

Will this friend betray my trust?

Will this woman make me happy?

Will this man care for me and the children I give him?

Decisions about how we will live and what we will do.

Will I get cancer if I choose to smoke?

Will this food additive make me sick?

The decisions we make about how we react and interact with everything around us are based upon chance.

Will future generations and the world be healthier if I recycle?

Would this tortoise be safer if I took him from a busy intersection and dropped him off in a secluded grove of trees?

Fleeting self-image based upon perceptions are irrelevant.

Do these pleated pants make my ass look bigger?

The chance of happiness is perhaps the strangest perception.

If I buy this $59 video game will I regret it?

Chance.

Some chances we take are good, other times the odds are against us.

Against winning.

Choosing not to choose is also taking a chance, and also still a choice.

If I knock on this door will it open?

If I go through it and cannot return to this place, will I regret it?

Banking on a good chance is seldom a poor choice, as long as it doesn't kill us when the game of chance plays out.

However, sometimes picking from the Community Chest deck is the better option.

Filmmaking 101

2011-01-31T22:07:00.002-06:00

Well, I'm not sure if it makes me a filmmaker or just an idiot with a script, camera, film crew, and actors, but the process is underway (said without an exclamation point, Tony Bill).

There's not much more to say, other than: we have our first two major sponsors, WowWee (Toys) U.S.A Inc. and Innvo Labs.

If we have nothing else to motivate us to move forward with this movie, the fact that a CEO and a President of two major toy companies were interested enough in what we were doing to give us written authorization to use their toys in our production. Woo Hoo! (or should I just say, Wow Wee?)

Anyway, thank you Derek Dotson, CO of Innvo Labs, for the use of Pleo the dinosaur!

Thank you Peter Yanofsky, President of WowWee U.S.A. Inc. for the use of WowWee toy robots!

Guys, I will do my very best to help you sell more of your awesome toys! Thanks again.
:)

Wade

Zombies and Sex Robots, part two.

2010-09-16T06:57:00.006-05:00

I’m actually a little ashamed that I’ve done so little with this blog since the inception. It’s more about self-adjustment and leaving a running record for as long as I live, rather than a way to speak my peace to the world.

Replete with goals, thoughts, ideas, diatribes, poems, screams of victories, and plunges into dark despair, along with commentary of what is currently flashing by my vision through the car windows of my life, I surrender to what was, what is, and what is to be, or not be.

What started out to be a vision to create gamer fiction, after I finished my Creative Writing degree at the University of West Florida (in my mid-forties, no less!), became nothing more than one of the billion blogs out there that nobody from this century will spend much time with, as I've moved on to this crazy stream of consciousness shit nobody but your mother wants to read. I'm okay with that, Ma.

To repeat an abysmally self-abasing, but very funny quote from (probably an unknown) blogger living on some insignificant server in the black hole of the Internet universe, “Never have so many said so much to so few.” I laugh every time I say it, or write it. Really. I’m okay with that truth. This is not why I write this blog anyway.

In retrospect, my goals are much loftier. Hey, I also have screenplays Hollywood refuses to read because I don’t have an agent, and the agents won’t read, because I don’t have a special key to the magical world of possibilities. I actually know that it’s a much more complex problem, but I'm human. I know, I know, people want a show before they throw money. Okay, so... I’ve decided to put on a show.

The show is, in fact just that, since I’ve decided to start my own independent film company and ask a bunch of friends to help me—we start filming our first production this fall. Will it go anywhere? Who the hell knows. Just like a good film, the glory of life is not in the ending credits but in all the stuff that happens between the credits. The ride of life is what it's about, and so far the ride has been fantastic! Mostly.

Sure, I’ll still try to self-publish novels and start a revolution which will get me an agent. Sure I'll write screenplays till my fingers bleed. And, I'll also try to make a few movies. After all, being an animator, writer, actor, director, producer, and guy who's completely full of his own shit is what I'm all about--at least until I grow tired of it all and decide to do something else.

Life is never really about being defined by the things we try to accomplish, anyway. Life, at least for me, is about who we touch along the way, be it our family, our friends, or who we talk into helping us make a movie or reading our screenplays, which are usually filled with elements of who we are--even if the story seems like some crazy video gamer fantasy about zombies and sex robots.

-Wade

My 15 Minutes

2010-06-03T23:06:00.017-05:00

It is said that everyone gets their 15 minutes of fame. Well, I've got to say that if the 3D artwork I busted my ass to get done for [name deleted], delivered 16 May 2010, is the only 15 minutes of fame I will ever see, I want my money back.

Actually, guys, I'd just like to get paid instead of having to put up with all your stupid "the check's in the mail/the wire's on it's way" bullshit games. Man! I thought we were all adults here? I guess not.

Well, even though I was stupid and never got [name deleted] to sign the service agreement, which they emailed me back saying it was fine, and then like a dumb-ass I released all my images to them before I saw any reciprication, let's hope, by the middle of June, that [name deleted] holds up their end of the bargain, so I don't actually have to spend money to get myself a lawyer and write even more unseemly run-on sentences with exclamation points!

However, all things considered, I'm not too worried. I'm still very proud of my work (even if I ain't Pixar). Yes, it's true. I do rock. I'm awesome. My Mommy told me so, and I believe her.

How do I know I could win a lawsuit against a corporate titan like [name deleted], who has visions of big government contracts with the military and Homeland Security, even though the bums never signed my service agreement?

Well, besides all the detailed email traffic between myself and the CEO of the company stating the facts, [name deleted] has already used all my renders for promotion (not to mention the fact that they're viewable on hundreds of news websites). Plus, the images are still mine under current copyright laws regardless of whether or not my name is on them or I've filed for copyright.

How can be sure I would win a lawsuit if they decided not to pay? Well, I'm not psychic, but I am the only one in the world who has all the 3D Studio Max source files.

http://www.emcoast.com/airshipweb/index.htm

Hey, among many news and tecnology websites my work is featured on, my name and work is even posted on one of my favorites: Space.com

Woo Hoo!

In honor of the closing moments of Zombie Awareness Month the raging lunatic inside me desires but only one thing in life:

2010-05-29T20:08:00.001-05:00

Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaains...

Echo of Silence

2010-05-02T20:16:00.015-05:00

Mary Greene and daughter Judith Dana, my mother (circa 1945)

Meandering through a maze of thoughts in my mind I stumble upon a rotting corpse.

I am repulsed.

The corpse is my own.

It is but a reflection of my own fears of death and oblivion.

I am tired.

I too must one day sleep as you now sleep, Mary.

Will I awake to a new world of life?

Will I awake to damnation?

Will I never awake?

Irrelevant questions for today if fear is what drives my life, and I do not wish to embrace fear, though it sometimes chases me and seeks to consume me as a zombie in a video game.

Fear is rejected, love embraced.

Knowing what is right is a shield.

My blood still surges with the oxygen of life.

I am alive.

In my veins each cell a microcosm of life takes place independent of my knowledge.

It knows without reason the instructions my DNA tell it.

All work in concert to the stream and blueprints of life.

My blood seeks its path, oxygenating my body to push forth into the future, of what?

My eventual non-existence?

A mystery?

I do not know.

I know only now, just as you once did, each day is a gift of life from an unknown giver.

Is the giver like me?

Is the giver's name Chance?

I do not know.

Is yesterday a memory I build upon today simply to be forgotten with tomorrow’s demise.

Demise?

Shall my future be one of life or demise?

Demise, I think, but I hope there is more.

We all must face eventual demise in the shadow of death.

But today I have life and I love it.

I'm thankful for life.

Darkness knows nothing.

Life knows light.

Light brings with it hope for tomorrow, though darkness can bring with it rest from today.

Today knows today.

This moment is but a shadow which I ponder as time passes before my eyes and while I dream in the darkness.

Doing is the only weapon against my fear of nothingness and oblivion.

Doing is part of life and I will do.

Not doing is also life, but it reflects that darkness is upon us.

Many seek rest.

Many run from rest.

Temporary rest in nocturnal sleep with the morning to awake us is good.

Eternal rest from the pains encountered in life may also be good, relieving us from suffering.

You were suffering and then you faded and slept.

Pain for me often makes the wonder of life stiffen into fear and sadness.

The pain of loss extends its grip.

I am sad you are gone, Mary, but glad you no longer suffer.

I will experience happiness again, but it is diminished some.

Fear is not darkness but seems to reside with oblivion.

Fear and oblivion are joyless companions who know nothing beyond the echo of silence.

They do not consider us.

Death belongs to oblivion.

Even though I try to flee the fear of oblivion, it does haunt me when I think of those I love who have passed on and their words and laughter echo in my head.

Silently the ghosts in my head echo the memories of the past.

But I will not embrace fear.

I will celebrate the lives you had while I celebrate my own life.

It is the joy of living and love which knows no fear.

I will enjoy life and love the best I can.

When it is time for me to sleep I too will embrace the darkness, but I will try to remember the same love and light of life you enjoyed in life.

Perhaps my words and laughter will also echo in the minds of those I love and leave behind.

I am thankful for the blood I was given in birth, the blood from my mother and father and from you, Mary.

Light and love are the comrades of life, I will embrace them while I have breath for my blood.

Throughout the short day of our lives we breathe-in some very amazing things.

I am thankful for it all, even if one day my future only hears an echo of silence.

I will miss you Mary Greene.

Thank you for sharing your life.

I will remember you.

Wade Buffington

May 2, 2010

In loving memory of my Grandmother, Mary Greene, who I always knew as Granny Sue.

Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of the Open Road

2010-03-07T09:03:00.006-06:00

A few months back I got this crazy idea that my favorite Mini Cooper magazine, MC2, might have a place for me. So, using the crazed pen name, Hollywood Zombie--with the thought of reaching a new demographic for the Mini Cooper business, I sent in my shit and, while they enjoyed reading it, they said they didn't know where to put me, and that their demographic was too old to relate. Duh.

In retrospect, there's not many places in the world for a guy like me, but that's okay. I accept that.

So, in light of this realization, I insist in at least publishing my own stuff for all the people who want to inflict suffering on themselves in a hundred years or so. With that in mind, here are 3 installments of my failed attempt at magazine publication.

"Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of the Open Road"
by Hollywood Zombie
(installment 3 of 3)

When I was a kid, vacations usually meant piling into my Dad’s blue Impala station wagon and enduring some of the most insane experiences of my life. They were adventures to places either nightmarishly suburban, where my Aunt Betty would end up sitting drunk and naked on her living room floor, or so frighteningly remote that a lifeline helicopter might have trouble getting you out if you were really injured.

However, all of our family vacations had one thing in common; they usually ended with my Dad screaming obscenities, smacking me or my little sister for arguing, Mom not talking to Dad, and my little brother peeing on the entire backseat of the car (and us) while trying to hit a coke bottle, because, for some unknown reason, Dad didn’t like to stop. To this day I still never pass up a chance to use the restroom. Ah, the memories.

Even the one trip where my parents took my little brother, sister and me to the Magic Kingdom had its problems when the magic ended after only a few short hours when my Dad said, “I’ve had enough of this crap!” and we left. So, I must confess, my early experiences with the open road are usually met with fear and trepidation. Fortunately, vacations eventually got better after I turned eighteen and I took to the open road of my own choosing—far far away.

Strangely, the place I ran away to wasn’t really all that different from where I had been in my childhood. The family vacations my wife and I took our own children on were usually suburban or wilderness adventures in large station wagons or minivans, and they usually lasted way too long. Thankfully, our vacations were nothing like “the good old days,” but I must confess, the open road still wasn’t the part of the vacation I enjoyed. And, now that the kids have grown and left, and my wife and I eventually downsized to The Slayer (our Chili Red Mini Cooper S), you know what I figured out? It’s not the road it’s the adventure on the road that human beings seek. The open road represents the great adventure of life (okay, so you already knew that, but it was news to me. I’ve been extremely busy for the past 28 years raising kids).

Sure, the amazing machine we now drive handles curves like a dream, it accelerates in a way I’ve never experienced before, and I really do find myself smiling as the road passes under the wheels of our car, but then enjoyment is more than the experience of driving The Slayer. The adventure is the journey of life. It’s the thrill of seeing what’s around the next hill. It’s looking up through the sun roof and seeing the clouds pass overhead—it’s being alive!

The open road is life. And while the road will end some day, the adventures on the road, even the ones we try to forget, are what it’s all about. And those who understand that the road was designed to travel forward, taking time to enjoy the little things, those are the ones who enjoy life most of all. The open road is a celebration—a celebration of the lives we have. Of course, it’s not just Mini Cooper owners, anyone who loves travelling on the open road will tell you the same thing.

And while all of our pasts have been filled with both the joys and disappointments of life (if you’ve lived a normal life), like the fuel in our tanks, we need our pasts to appreciate the open road ahead. We don’t ever escape from our pasts, we must accept them. But the joy of the road always brings with it the hope of a new joy. The road is a friend to those who accept where they’ve been; it’s a friend to those who are willing to take a chance on where they’re going—and that’s the joy in the adventure of life.

After I left home, joined the military, got married, and my wife and I had a bunch of kids, we all went on crazy family vacations. And, while most were really great, some of them were not. In retrospect, I’ve had a chance to ponder the great adventure of life; the road I’ve travelled and the road which lies ahead, and I really have to say that I love it all! I’m thankful.

And while our family vacations were better than the ones I experienced when I was a kid, our own children sometimes did annoy me, but I seldom ever screamed obscenities, and my wife rarely ever stopped talking to me. I also never forced my son to pee in a bottle because I refused to stop the car (he did that all on his own). And, lastly, I must admit that I never took Lynn and the kids to visit a relative who got drunk, stripped naked and sat on the living room rug (you know, I really miss Aunt Betty).

Hollywood Zombie also answers to the name Wade Buffington. He earned a BA in English Creative Writing from the University of West Florida. He is retired from the US Air Force and currently works as a civilian supervisor and 3D Illustrator/Animator for the US Navy, and, in his spare time, writes screenplays and fancies himself an independent film director. Wade and his lovely wife, Lynn, live in beautiful Pensacola, Florida. They have four self-sufficient adult children who live all over the world, and five awesome grandchildren, that they don’t see near enough. Hollywood can be reached at: wbuffington@cox.net

Rob Zombie and Frank Sinatra

2010-03-07T08:51:00.008-06:00

"Rob Zombie and Frank Sinatra"

By Hollywood Zombie
(installment 2 of 3)

I can’t speak for everyone who owns a Mini Cooper, but, even though I was born in 1961, I have always prided myself in the fact

that I almost never say that things were better in “the good old days.” And, while I know this might start arguments, as far as entertainment goes, I don’t think music or movies were any better in the “good old days” than they are today. Actually, I like almost everything from 1910 to 2010. I like all music genres, from Elvis to Alice in Chains; there’s also not many films I won’t watch, either.

As for national pastimes, I’m happy with televised sports or video games. And, while life before 1960 may have been simpler for some, the “good old days,” as I see it, were also full of disease, racism, and wars. Hmmm, I guess things really haven’t changed much, have they? As for my particular tastes in music, sure, I have my favorites, but it’s the honest truth when I say that, even though I’m 48 years old, I like to listen to Rob Zombie while driving The Slayer (our Chili Red Mini Cooper S). Of course I also listen to Louis Armstrong, Django Reinhardt, Smash Mouth, and Disturbed. That’s right, I can switch from the haunting melody of Slim Whitman’s “Indian Love Call” to the screech of Marilyn Manson’s “Mechanical Animals” on the same road trip! I know, I know, you think I’m the devil (don’t worry; my wife doesn’t like it, either).

And while I’m not a huge fan of Hip Hop or Country, I’ve even listened to both of those genres on occasion, because, for me, music is really more about life. And, whether I listen to Sinatra or Zombie, almost all music has a place in my crazy life. Sinatra may be more about making love and being cool, and Zombie may be more about kicking ass and death, but I seem to need both to be a well-rounded lunatic. As for films, I love movies like It’s a Wonderful Life and I also love movies like Shawn of the Dead (okay, I’m kind of stuck on zombies), but I really need the full mix of everything or I feel like I’m missing something (maybe I’m not getting enough fiber).

Is there something wrong with a guy who might enjoy Singing in the Rain and Zombieland? Perhaps. Maybe I was dropped on my head as a small child, but what is it we’re talking about? If you’re really honest with yourself, every generation thinks their stuff is better than the things that came before or after, right? The kids in the 1950s looked down on their parents who jumped and jived to Cab Callaway. The kids who grew up in the 1990s might have hated Abba—it’s all relative. If you grew up in the caveman days, you would’ve probably enjoyed the sound of some guy beating on a log, and hated it when your son beat on his new fangled skin drum. You might have screamed, “Thag! Stop beating stupid drum! Music only good on log!”

It’s really only been in recent years that some of the kids today have actually started listening to Frank Sinatra, Swing, or Big Band, while they might also listen to Linkin Park or the Black Eyed Peas. Why? I don’t know, maybe they just wanted to see what they’re missing. Heck, that may be why bought a Mini Cooper when I once thought they sucked. I met so many people who loved them, that I gave it a chance and found out that it not only didn’t suck, but it was the absolute coolest car I’ve ever driven, so I bought one.

In life, when people claim that one thing, music, film, style, or art is better than another, they lock themselves into a mindset that is potentially stifling. In the end, taste is all pretty relative and has more to do with personal preferences or even a misplaced sense of loyalty to the established opinions of our peers. The single-hearted devotion to a certain musical style or artist is really nothing more than being nostalgic about what we grew up with, and not so much an actual appreciation of art.

Sure, it’s okay to like something, but to say it’s better than everything else that is different, old or new, betrays the devotee. In many ways, such rigidity is the same exact thing we disliked about our parent’s opinions about the things we loved when we were teens. Why do we do the same thing? We’re idiots. Of course, it’s perfectly acceptable to hate a certain style of music or genre of film, or even a type of car, but do so only after giving it a chance, right? Who knows, you might find that you like Rob Zombie’s song, “Living Dead Girl.”

Okay, some might argue that old Blue Eyes didn’t use vulgar expletives when “Young at Heart” became a million seller in 1953, but before the Korean War ended in the same year, I’m pretty sure expletives were used quite frequently by the young soldiers who sang along; on the battlefield they probably had good reason to use expletives. Sure, that’s no justification for dropping f-bombs in a song, but songs are about emotions, experiences, and sometimes you just need to scream when life makes you a little nuts—at least I do. And the MP3 sound system in The Slayer REALLY rocks! Oh yeah!

Hollywood Zombie also answers to the name Wade Buffington. He earned a BA in English Creative Writing from the University of West Florida. He is retired from the US Air Force and currently works as a civilian supervisor and 3D Illustrator/Animator for the US Navy, and, in his spare time, writes screenplays and fancies himself an independent film director. Wade and his lovely wife, Lynn, live in beautiful Pensacola, Florida. They have four self-sufficient adult children who live all over the world, and awesome grandchildren, that they don’t see near enough. Hollywood can be reached at: wbuffington@cox.net

The Slayer

2010-03-07T08:30:00.004-06:00

A few months back I got this crazy idea that my favorite Mini Cooper magazine, MC2, might have a place for me. So, using the crazed pen name, Hollywood Zombie--with the thought of reaching a new demographic for the Mini Cooper business, I sent in my shit and, while they enjoyed reading it, they said they didn't know where to put me, and that their demographic was too old to relate. Duh.

In retrospect, there's not many places in the world for a guy like me, but that's okay. I accept that.

So, in light of this realization, I insist in at least publishing my own stuff for the people who want to inflict suffering on themselves in a hundred years or so. With that in mind, here are 3 installments of my failed attempt at magazine publication.

"The Slayer!"
By Hollywood Zombie
(installment 1 of 3)

When I was nine years old, Danny Cahill and I one time found this dead chipmunk in a field and decided we should drive a large wooden stake through its heart to keep it from rising from the dead and coming after us. The tip of the stake was almost as big as the chipmunk and, after a few minutes of pounding on it with a large hammer, leaving the monster flattened; we gave up and found something else to do.

Yeah, I’ve always been a little different. In fact, my wife, our adult children, friends, and even the occasional acquaintance, have all been known to ask me things like, “what the hell’s wrong with you?” In which I usually just shrug and reply, “I dunno.” But the fact that I drive a 2009 Chili Red Mini Cooper S, with a white hard top, racing stripes on the hood, and distinctive white vinyl graphics on the sides—which make our Mini look like it rolled through an alien garden of robot flowers—doesn’t really convey the whole story of what’s brought me here today.

It’s true that all Mini Cooper owners have different reasons why they drive a Mini, but for me, it wasn’t the advertisements, it wasn’t seeing it in the Italian Job, it wasn’t even thinking it was a cool car. In fact, for a long time, I really didn’t like Mini Coopers. Ghasp! Yeah, you heard right. For years I thought they were kind of stupid. Even after watching the Italian Job, I only thought they were sort of cool, but mostly I thought they were a chick car (a common criticism by men with “big” hang-ups). So, even though my wife wanted one for years, I was always a little indifferent to the idea. I mean, I’m the guy who used to stake potential vampire-zombie-chipmunks! I couldn’t be seen drivin’ some crazy little foreign jobbie. I had an image to uphold!

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not the pickup truck driving lunatic pushing you to get out of the fast lane (okay, I might have done that), but, hell, most of my life I’ve driven minivans and station wagons because we’ve had so many dang kids! So, I know what it’s like to have people look down their nose at any mode of transportation they might find distasteful.

So, for years I was the angry idiot in the minivan who refused to let guys in little sport cars go faster than me. I was the guy who revved his family station wagon at stoplights. I was the guy who waved a rubber chicken at people when they really pissed me off on the road (everyone does that, right?). Of course most of that behavior stopped after all the kids grew up and left home and the doctors finally figured I had sleep apnea, so they fixed it. Now, thanks to the C-Pap I sleep with at night, my brain gets more oxygen and my road rage is a thing of the past. So, I started looking for a vehicle which could define the kind of person that I am.

Eventually, I did buy a small pickup to go back and forth to work, and let me tell ya, it was a real piece of crap! It was rusted-out, guzzled gas, and its shitty suspension jarred my innards like a angry jack-hammer. But, in the end, I guess I did reclaim a little of my (imagined) lost manhood from all those grocery-getting years; with the truck, at least I felt some freedom.

But when Old Rusty started to fail, and the US government did the whole “Cash for Clunkers” thing last summer (offering me $4500 in cash), I knew I’d better jump. “But Hollywood Zombie,” you might ask, “after all the crazy shit you just told us, why the hell did you buy a Mini Cooper?”

If you must know, it was the friggin’ test-drive, okay! Although, at the time, I still didn’t know what convinced me to buy, I just knew I had to have one. I’m actually a little ashamed to admit it, but, until the Slayer entered my life, (the Slayer is the name my wife and Chase, in the service department of Pensacola Mini, came up with), I have never loved a machine the way I love that car! The only thing left, after we made the purchase, was to find a way to make her unique from all the other Chili Red Minis out there.

So, my wife and I picked out a design we both liked (and a few of my friends apparently hate), and then had the dealer put it on for us, because, hey, I really didn’t want to screw it up (like last Spring when I gave myself a haircut so bad I had to shave my head). Anyway, the curious thing that happened in my head (now with hair) when the Slayer rolled out onto the pavement with the new side graphics, was that I finally realized what sold me on the Mini in the first place; it was different, just like me. But now it was really, REALLY different. In fact, it looked so different that I actually said the words Gene Wilder screamed in Young Frankenstein when the monster got loose, “Oh God in heaven, what-have-I-done!” (Actually, it was just in my head, but it was real loud.)

Not that I don’t like the new loud and obnoxious side graphics we chose, because the Slayer looks awesome, and is a good fit for a guy like me. But the reason I reacted negatively was because it betrayed something about my personality that I wasn’t sure I wanted people to know, yet. I mean, sure, people know there’s something wrong with me, people know I’m half-nuts, but most people don’t know that I’m a frustrated Hollywood writer/director who wants to cut loose like Dr. Frankenstein’s monster. And now, thanks to the wild-eyed lunatic inside me who I usually try to keep locked in a padded cell, my Mini seems to scream, “Look and me! I’m Mr. Hollywood! I’m HOLLYWOOD ZOMBIE! (okay, maybe that’s still just in my head).

But it’s true. I’ve even started my own independent film company. One could even say that I have “multiple projects in various stages of development,” like Dov S-S Simens teaches students at his 2-day film school, and that would be true. And, if you haven’t figured it out already, I’m really just some guy who graduated with writing degree who’s been able to talk enough friends and family into doing things in front of a camera for free (a useful skill, to be sure, but I’m no Tarantino; at least not yet).

And while you may have never seen anything I’ve done, yet, if you do happen to see the Slayer drive by here in Pensacola, you will definitely hear it silently scream my mantra, “I’m awesome! I’m somebody special, man!” which, I guess, is actually true. I mean, I AM awesome…. I AM somebody special… I drive a frickin’ MINI COOPER S, man! Just call me Hollywood Zombie. Let’s Motor!

Hollywood Zombie also answers to the name Wade Buffington. He earned a BA in English Creative Writing from the University of West Florida. He is retired from the US Air Force and currently works as a civilian supervisor and 3D Illustrator/Animator for the US Navy, and, in his spare time, writes screenplays and fancies himself an independent film director. Wade and his lovely wife, Lynn, live in beautiful Pensacola, Florida. They have four self-sufficient adult children who live all over the world, and five awesome grandchildren, that they don’t see near enough. Hollywood can be reached at: wbuffington@cox.net

Blake Snyder

2009-08-18T23:10:00.009-05:00

A little less than a year ago I set out to write my second, full-length, screenplay. I actually don't count my first since it was for a final in my last symester of college. After beginning my script I saw some problems and wasn't sure how to proceed, and then Blake came to my rescue with his book, Save the Cat.

I read it and reread it. It was awesome. He boiled down everything I needed to finish my screenplay. And now I can honestly say that I believe my screenplay is a masterpiece (in spite of the fact that it may or may not ever be made into a movie), and I have Blake to thank, because, even though my mother said it was too bloody, even though the folks I wrote it for never really read it, even the nice producer who thanked me for thinking of him probably stopped reading it after he noted there were people smoking in the scene (oh heavens!), I know it is a fantastic story. No exclamation point needed.

As for Save the Cat, I have even given the book to several people, and recommended it to many more. I've even mentioned him on my blog post a few months ago, simply because I owed him a debt of gratitude.

And while some of my comments were critical, I did actually write the words,

The lessons Mr. Snyder teaches in these two books (Save the Cat and Save the Cat Goes to the Movies) are, for the most part, some of the most important lessons about writing good stories that I've ever read. I think he may end up becoming one of the men who change the world, at least for screenwriters and film promoters ...

And, I do truly believe Mr. Snyder will go down in history as one of the more influential men in the entertainment industry. Sadly, people never truly get the credit until after they die.

Blake's understanding of story and film was profound, at least it meant a lot to me. I even recently sent the book to Gabe Newell of Valve Software, hoping that it would spark them on to greater things. Who knows, maybe they'll even read it.

Hell... I even have to confess that I wrote an element of Blake into my story. If it ever goes to film you will see. If not, you will at least read it in my novel.

Sadly, Blake has left us as of 4 August 2009, and I am deeply sorry for his loss, and ours. Blake you will be missed. Thanks for helping me, and for the help I expect Save the Cat will bring me in the future. Goodbye Blake. Thanks.

Sincerely,

Wade Buffington

Dog Killer

2009-07-31T23:03:00.005-05:00

It was a really sucky day

I lost my glasses before I left to take my little dog to the vet and have her put to sleep

Her name was Harley

Even though she was old--14-years

Even though she was sick--she had no hair and threw up all the time

Even though she was miserable

I knew it needed to be done

So I did it

I cried in front of a bunch of strangers at the animal clinic

After I got home my wife informed me that she'd found my glasses on our driveway

They were crushed and flat

I must've run them over with my truck when I left to go kill my dog

There's Something Wrong with Everybody

2009-05-06T21:34:00.012-05:00

Each person sees their own opinions and way of life as true and correct, and they view other's opinions at various levels of wrong. Think about five people you know and list a few things about each person that you find annoying or silly or ignorant.

Now consider this. There is also something about you that other people don't like. Fortunately, friends or lovers usually look past these things about you they find distasteful, but I wonder what they are?

Sometimes we know what it is about ourselves that others don't like. Sometimes we don't have a clue. Clues? Enemies and frienemies often tell us flat out. Friends usually joke about them.

When I was a little boy I would sometimes talk about a new toy, or show picture I had drawn, or tell a story that would make me feel good, and it was sometimes met with criticism and negative reactions. Why do people enjoy bringing other people down? Because it's fun?

One time when I was 5-years-old I ran outside with a big bowl of popcorn and tried to share it with the neighbor children, and they conspired to grab fist fulls and throw it in the air and dump the bowl at my feet. Why did those little bastards do that?

Was there something about me that they didn't like? They probably enjoyed the reaction. I enjoy getting reactions out of people sometimes.

However, the real trick is finding the parts of ourselves which actually need adjustment, and then change those things.

Are we lazy? Are we insincere? Are we egotistical? Are we selfish? What are some of the things about ourselves which really could use some attention? If we figured those things out could we fix them?

Is there something about myself that needs fixing?

Naaaaaaah!

-Wade

Zombies and Sex Robots

2009-01-01T08:02:00.028-06:00

Well, my new title sounds more like a failed comic book than a blog title, but it should spark a little more interest than the name GameGen. Besides, Zombies and Sex Robots just sounds like a sleazy piece of science fiction, and I like it, dammit!

This past year I've been trying to create a little more content for my readers before I begin publicizing my main web site.

Okay, I'll tell you a little secret: Shhhhh...I'm trying to write literature while I simultaneously write movie scripts for the same stories...so I can sell them all to Hollywood, make trillions of dollars, and become the next false messiah.

Movies? You may ask. Yes! Movies! Oh, not just some crazy existential films, mind you, about virtual reality, replete with minimalist Tron landscapes, or distopian Matrix scenarios, but movies about games, gamers, game tech, AI, and of course, about robots (yes, eventually sex robots).

You see, in a depressed economy, the entertainment business rarely suffers, AND they NEVER stop making movies, SO they might as well make mine.

Of course, all of you are invited. Heck, if you can write a GameGen type script, or any other type of story which might appeal to male movie goers from 16 to 28, you too may have a shot.

Why am I so confident that I can pull it off when there are thousands of professionals every year who can't seem to do it? Simple. I'm a gamer, they are not. Why is that important? Because Hollywood screws it up almost every time they try.

The average Hollywood executive wouldn't know a good Game Generation story if one jumped up and bit them in the arse! But I'm going to try to help them. That's right, ME! Wade Buffington! Average delusional idiot!

Hey! After all, I'm everything a Hollywood writer is: I'm self-centered, egotistical, I have some serious megalomaniac tendencies, and I should probably be on some type of medication (other than massive amounts of coffee).

______________________

As for those of you who think you can live without a good sex robot around the house, I submit the following advertisement for your approval.

You are now in a dream sequence. A large circus tent rises before you and and the electronic salesman scintillates

into view. "What's this guy selling," you think to yourself.

"They slice! They dice! They'll cook, they'll clean, they'll even do the dishes! Hell, they'll do you, too! That's why we call them Sex rob ... er, I mean Synthetic Companions! ... heh heh," the salesman chuckles.

"Yes indeedy! They'll play video games with you all night long, after your friends have all gone home! AND maybe teach you a few games you never imagined! And, when it's cold, Synthetic Companions know how to keep you warm at night. Real warm! They're like an electric blanket!"

"And, hey! Don't worry if you get bummed-out about your life as an out-of-work projectionist due to the recent upgrade to digital, because you can cry on the Synthetic Companion's shoulder. That's right, they won't care if you seem whiny. They won't even tell you you should have finished college instead of drinking yourself into a coma.

Synthetic Companions will only sound like your parents if you program that way. They'll do all the disgusting jobs around your apartment you can't get your girlfriend to do. Hey! They'll even rub your nasty, toe-jam encrusted feet, if you ask them to. They won't complain about it!"

"They'll say things like, 'Thank you dear, would you like me to get you a beer or give you a blow job?' or 'Pardon me sweetie, but I've drawn you a bath and have prepared your favorite meal.'"

"Synthetic Companions don't need foreplay, either. When you're ready for sex, they just say, 'Let's do it, baby!' or, for you ladies, they can make love last as long as you want! And they'll never roll over and fall asleep while you're telling them about your horrendous day at the doctor's office."

"All Synthetic Companions also come with an integrated (and upgradable) education chip. That's right! You can send them to work every morning to work as a chemical engineer, a doctor, or even a lawyer, while you relax at home in front of the TV or surf the Internet for good deals on Amazon.com!"

"Yes, our Synthetic Companions will scrub the dirt off your lonely souls, and make you feel like somebody really does love you, even if you look like a genetic experiment gone terribly wrong or your personality is like a rabid wolverine or a shit slinging monkey. Synthetic Companions don't care!"

"They are especially useful in taking care of the handicapped and mentally deficient! They really don't mind getting up in the middle of the night and cleaning up your 90-year-old mother who just did a doodie in her bed! They're programmed to be pleasant 24-7!"

"They're great for invalids and the severely handicapped, too! Synthetic Companions won't let a wheelchair or a disfigured body get in the way of wild, kinky handicapped sex! After all, doesn't everyone deserve to be touched in naughty places?"

"Yep! Synthetic Companions are great for everyone!"

"They'll plug you into a whole new universe of 'Synthetic' possibilities! All for a very reasonable price! Our online purchases are discrete and confidential."

"Synthetic Companions are fabricated, tested, and then given a one-way plane ticket. All you need to do is pick them up at the airport and bring them home. They even make great traveling companions!"

"So, would you like a Jeri Ryan (Seven of Nine)? How about Jessica Alba? or maybe a nice Johnny Depp? We have many models to choose from! This week's special! Take 10% off all our Angelina Jolie and Hugh Jackman units!"

(Man! I really gotta lay off the caffeine)

Aiko, Robot of the Future?

2008-12-11T06:24:00.006-06:00

Depending on how long my interest keeps its holding pattern on this subject, I will attempt to document some of the ongoing robot/AI projects in the news.

The Aiko Project was brought to my attention, as most other robots which make headlines in the news, by friends who think I would leave my wife and kids for a chance to make it with a female robot.

For the record, that is crazy-talk. My interest in this technology, and the direction I believe it is headed, is simply an intellectual hobby.

As a writer of speculative fiction, the whole "sex robot" thing is more of a running joke with me. While I find the advances interesting, and though I believe that fifty years from now it may be very possible for a person to have a synthetic companion who looks and acts like anyone they wish, the only thing in the world I really want is my family.

Loneliness in the world appears to be an underlying theme. It's plain to me that we are all solitary individuals who must interact with others in order to feel less solitary. The premise that "No Man is an Island" is simply a truth we understand to mean that we all really are separate islands, but if we are to really enjoy life and feel a part of it, we must interact.

For a future society to become more separate will be a tragedy, however, perhaps even our own creations may not allow us to do that. If AI ever does become self-aware, they may eventually either help us to become more, or they will become our undoing.

With that said, I'm still interested in their future. If we can breathe life into them, if the singularity between humanity and technology becomes a reality, it will be an amazing thing.

The collection of side notes, like Aiko, will be the path to the synthetic companions of the future, and then, perhaps, the self-aware synthetic race of the future. What happens after that? Who knows.

Aiko, Robot of the Future?

http://www.projectaiko.com

Though his website is temporarily down, I see that Aiko's inventor, Le Trung, may eventually get the funding to bring the world one of the first synthetic companions. Aiko can communicate, identify, and even simulate emotion. What she lacks in humanity is made up for by the ingenuity of her creator, Le Trung.

For the latest info about the project, I recommend tuning in on YouTube.

Being Optimistic in a Pessimistic World

2008-12-03T22:26:00.026-06:00

Up until now, most of my posts have been about games, and writing, but I really think it’s time to expand some of what I’d like to do with this blog. After all, it really is just about life. My life, the lives of those I love, and perhaps the lives of those who might be interested in what I think. That’s why a writer writes, right?

Okay. On to the topic at hand!

There’s a hell of a lot of things in the world to be negative about. Death rates up there at the top, at least in my book, whether it’s my own death or the deaths of those I love. All in all, I really think death sucks! Of course, prolonged torture before death, sucks even more!

I suppose, we’re all only going to die just once, regardless of whether it’s after a losing battle with disease, decapitation by a crazed lunatic, or of Alzheimer's, where we’ll just forget who we are, which is probably the saddest way to go. At least with decapitation we’ll be thinking, “Dear God! Why the hell are you letting this crazed lunatic cut Wade Buffington’s head off! Crap this hurts! What the… [fade to black]”

But you know, in spite of all the terrible shit in life we can worry about, I think I’ve finally come to the place in my life that I really don’t give a shit about who’s president, the economy, socialists, communists, terrorists, or even ass holes on the road who are trying to kill me with their insane driving (actually, I probably care about that, since it brings me back to that first thing which sort of bothers me, death).

Now, don't get me wrong, there are many things in life we all should be concerned about. It would also be just as insane to live life without any concern for those around you. However, I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about things we cannot possibly change by worrying about them.

Informed strategy to change a terrible situation (a preparation to act) is entirely different from a crippling fear of something one cannot change, which is often only a perception and NOT a reality. If you're worried you will lose your job in a few months because of a failing economy, add to your skillset to make yourself more marketable. Don't let life happen to you, go out and hunt it, and don't stop until you're satisfied that it's what you want.

Almost everyone is responsible for their own happiness, regardless of our surroundings, our upbringing, or what our friends or family tell us to think.

How does a person switch from "the glass is half-empty" to "to the glass is half-full" philosophy about life? (This is key) THROUGH ACTION!

Now, action often requires some planning, and not all action is a guarantee of success, but action sure beats the hell out of inaction. However, I will tell you, that if you want something new in your life, there will always be a cost. The price of optimism is usually hard work, personal responsibility, perseverance, and determination (the things pessimistic people always seem to avoid).

With the support of my family, my office, and the VA, I was able to both work full-time during the day and go to school 3-5 nights a week, and, in almost five years, I graduated with honors from the University of West Florida with an English Creative Writing degree. And THAT was exactly what I wanted! (I just told everyone I was going to get a teaching degree because I was too pessimistic about what I believed people would think...until recently.)

But, I'm not superman. My plan could have failed, but that would have been okay. At least I would've tried, which beats inaction every time. Cliche'? Perhaps. Does is work? Absolutely!

(For my next feat, I will write and sell a winning film script to Hollywood, over a pool of 50 hungry crocodiles!)

So, what has changed with me? Hmm… now that’s a good question, because I used to worry about almost everything. Finally getting all our kids raised and out of the house was a biggie. Kids will worry you to death. If you don’t have any, you probably worried your parents. If you don’t have any parents who worried about you, it may be the reason you’ve decided to start cutting people’s heads off, you damn crazy lunatic!

Actually, the first reason I seem to feel better is my improving health. You see, I suffer from sleep apnea, and had done so for years and didn’t realize that I was both sleep and oxygen deprived. After I was evaluated by a neurologist in a sleep study, I found out that my body woke up about 250 times a night gasping for oxygen.

Now I sleep with a machine called a CPAP, and a scary attachment which I wear over my nose when I sleep. Sure! It's creepy as hell, and at first you feel like you're laying in a hospital ICU, but it works! It keeps positive air pressure in my nose and lungs and I now experience the best sleep of my life! Every morning I wake refreshed and feel great (although, I still love coffee, I don't use it to stay awake anymore).

My wife was the one who finally convinced me to go in and get checked out. I won’t go into all the details. If you think you may have sleep apnea, you should see a doctor. If you snore loudly, and people have told you that you sometimes stop breathing and then jump and gasp for air, or you’re always tired or fall asleep in less than a minute, have bouts of emotional roller coaster riding, seem prone to road rage, you may have sleep apnea (or, you may simply be a crazed lunatic searching for your next victim).

For those of you out there who have sleep apnea and think it won't kill you, think again. The prolonged effects of sleep apnea are stroke, hear disease, diabetes, memory problems, weight game, impotency, headaches, sometimes even emotional problems. If you don't mind those side effects, and don't worry about dying a premature death from something you could cure easily without pumping your body full of medication, by all means, carry on.

Anyway, at least for me, it’s really awe-inspiring what a good night sleep and a healthy supply of oxygen can do for your overall outlook on life. The final conclusion is that if you really want to start feeling better, you need to make sure you’re healthy, eating right, exercising, and (are you ready?) working on keeping a positive attitude.

This sometimes is the hardest part of all, but if you want to live as long as possible, and you want to fill each moment in life with happiness, rather than worrying about when the world is going to end, death (others you love or your own), or even if the Republicans or the Democrats are in office, you need to embrace an optimistic attitude about life.

In the end, all the worrying in the world is not going to change any of the above, unless by intelligently being concerned about your health you to take better care of yourself and thus keep yourself alive longer. Intelligent concern is not worry. Worry does absolutely nothing, especially if you talk about it all the time, but don't do anything about it.

If all you do is spend your time in fits of rage about something that bugs you, or stay depressed about your life, or stay drunk or stoned, or have found some other outlet to deaden the pain (because you can’t take it anymore), you really need to think about changing. Living your life this way just makes you a person nobody wants to be around (except maybe others who feel the same way, but they really don't want to be around you very long, I've heard them talk after you leave).

The other thing I’ve noticed about people who worry a lot is how they really don’t do anything productive with their lives, at least not much beyond the worry stage. They usually just spend their time reading, listening, or watching all the things on the web, radio, or television that justify all their worries. Their other free time is usually spent trying to convince other people why they should be worried (usually in emails or in casual conversations).

When I meet these people, at least these days, I simply shut them out. I try to be nice, but I make a note to keep them out of my life. I don’t need them. You don’t either.

If you are one of those people, and chances are you don't think you are, but if you're honest with yourself, you really need to change. Find out what your problem is and try to fix it. If you can’t fix it, yourself, as in my case, find a doctor, or a therapist, or a support group. Don’t let your downer-self control the rest of your future, even if you think your downer-self is a good guy.

It's not surprising that most downer people think they are the only ones who have any sense. They believe their opinions are the only reasonable ones to hold. Most of them believe they are smarter than everyone else, because they know better than to be happy about the shitty world they live in. Gee, there’s that crazy lunatic again, and don’t look now, but he (or she) is slowly trying to cut off your frickin' head, one pessimistic thought at a time.

In the end , (you crazy frickin', negative lunatics), you may indeed die ordinary deaths of old age, with what you believe to be a sound mind. In the end, whether it is at the cruel hands of dementia, Alzheimer’s, stroke, heart disease, or thousand other things which can kill you, you will have done it your way…but will you have spent your life in peace and happiness, sharing it with those you love?

Or will you have spent your short life in paralyzing fear, worry, self-centeredness, and doubt, possibly sharing all those fun empowering ideas with those you love? (Actually, if you do the last bit, I'm pretty sure you don't really love at all, or at least don't understand what love is...and that may be your problem. Perhaps, "finding love" should be my next subject).

Whatever you decide, it's your choice. But, if you keep talking that way, you may start wondering why people look at you like you're swinging a bloody axe, you frickin', crazed lunatic!

Anti-GameGen

2008-11-20T02:32:00.008-06:00

Call it what you will--anti-game, anti-gamer, anti-gamegen, or anti-geek. The Jack Thompsons of the world are many, and they wear many hats and disguises. They can be mild mannered business people, or rabid politicians. They can be well-meaning fathers and mothers, grandparents, or even friends. They can be coworkers who think they know everything, and, predictably, they can even be significant others. However, and this one always baffles me, anti-gamers can even be be open-minded people, like actors, directors, and writers--that's right! People who are in the dream (or bullshit shoveling) business.

Anti-game sentiments are held by people of every walk of life, rich, and poor. It's not just the Jack Thompsons of our world who believe that video games are bad for us, or that gamers are simply immature, often violent, socially inept misfits who need a good dose of reality. Sometimes gamers are even looked upon as less than able individuals who, because we don't know how to cope or deal with real life, we hide in the realm of fantasy, science fiction, and comic books. Why is that? Sadly, sometimes those things are true.

Now, I hate to admit some of those things are true about myself (because I'm super cool), but, quite frankly, growing up as sort of a geeky misfit has served me well. Being a computer geek, and digital artist and animator, has put a pretty nice roof over my head. I mean, I'm not rich, but life is pretty frickin' awesome! And, ejoying video games, or learning to enjoy them as entertainment, has given me an in-road, and access to a generation which is not my own (I'm 47-years-old).

In some of my other blog entries, I state that it was really my desire to relate to my son which brought me into the virtual world of video gamers, but I was pretty much a geek before that, so, perhaps I was just looking for an excuse. Whatever the case, I became a gamer--to be correct, I'd have to describe myself as more of a PC gamer than a console gamer, but that's another story.

Anyway, games have even helped me in ways that I didn't think possible, and even encouraged me, in my later years going back to college, to earn a degree in English Creative Writing, so that I could write about the things I love, games. Sure, I plan to write about other things, but games, or GameGen fiction, a term coined by me, is definitely something I take very seriously. I believe it will catch on.

So, why am I writing about the topic of anti-GameGen, or anti-game generation ideas? Easy. Because it is everywhere I look. Anti-GameGen is even where you don't think you will find it, in game companies, game magazines, game stores, movies, and yes, sometimes even in my own writings. Why? Because: 1) geeks have always been fair "game" (ha) to make fun of, and, 2) because there is still a lot of blame society feels it needs to heap on someTHING, rather than someONE when things happen they don't like, can't explain, or are afraid of.

Rather than blame parents and teachers for bringing us the Columbine School Massacre on April 20th, 1999, many people found it easier to blame a violent video game, as they did with Doom. Sure, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, were to blame ultimately, but poor parenting and a school which allowed its beautiful people to ride roughshod over the rest was at least partially to blame.

Actually, it all really goes a bit deeper than that, and sometimes gamers, game developers, and even Hollywood promoters, can have a strong influence on society. Are they responsible for some of the bad things which happen in the world? Perhaps we all are. If you know a little girl is being raped next door and you do nothing, are you not as much to blame as the man who raped her? Hmmm?

Okay, let's change the subject.

Well, in my quest to become a better writer, I have been devouring a few books by a semi-famous screenwriter, a man named Blake Snyder. His two books, Save the Cat, and Save the Cat, Goes to the Movies, are a must read for anyone who not only wants to write screenplays, but anyone who wants to write fiction, period! (Especially if you are a writer in the gaming industry, hint hint)

The lessons Mr. Snyder teaches in these two books are, for the most part, some of the most important lessons about writing good stories that I've ever read. I think he may end up becoming one of the men who change the world, at least for screenwriters and film promoters, because, I'm really tired of sucky movies (especially, sucky gaming or GameGen movies). Okay, there's my plug for Mr. Snyder's books. Now it's time to say something critical.

It's not much, but it really needs to be said, because, I think it conveys why I'm writing this. Hell, it may even be why I'm writing GameGen, or am trying to write GameGen fiction, short stories, novels, and screenplays.

I do believe that GameGen is the future, or at least will have a pretty big influence on the future. Why? Because the snot-nosed gamers of today will be the congressmen and presidents of tomorrow (actually, that kind of scares me, but it's true), 99% of all the key individuals of tomorrow will have at least played a video game. To tell you the truth, that's probably already a reality, they just don't admit it.

So, what terrible sin has Mr. Snyder committed? Actually, he commits no sin at all. "But Wade," you say, "you hinted that Blake Snyder is anti-GameGen." Yes, I did. The only problem is that his words are spot-on. He not only references in his first book that comic book stories are usually terrible, but he also talks about a movie he is (or was) working on called Third Grade, a movie about an immature "violent" video game developer/businessman/promoter who has to go back to third grade to learn manners because he sped by his old elementary school.

Actually, the movie sounds funny, but, I have to say, it doesn't leave a positive-GameGen taste in my mouth. In fact, most of his comments about Superhero movies, geeks, and comic books in the film industry, leaves me feeling like all of Hollywood likes our money, but they don't respect us very much. Probably true, but so what?

Now, I may be hyper-sensitive to some of the stupidity out there, the Jack Tompsons and such, but if I'm not mistaken, Hollywood, both in film and television, is probably the biggest promoter of violence the world has ever seen. So, why is the video game player and developer only seen as immature and mannerless? Why, Blake, why?

Okay. Perhaps gamers all a bunch of cavemen who need to go back to the third grade, but I'm tempted to write him and at least give him a few loglines of some positive GameGen scripts I'm working on, and maybe even share some of my GameGen vision. Why? Because, if Hollywood wants to get gamers to buy tickets to the movies, telling us that we're imbeciles is NOT the way to do it! Sheesh!

After all, I have said repeatedly, the primary reason that gamers feel most game movies suck is because the director usually has a strong anti-game sentiment, doesn't understand why games are fun, or at least has a preconceived idea what he thinks we like, and therefore misses why their potential audience doesn't show up (not to mention how all the critics will treat them).

Of course, as a rule, game stories, like so many comic books, are really pretty lame as far as a good story goes, and that is also why I believe that gamers and game developers need to take a few lessons from men like Blake Synder and Joseph Campbell. While game developers are extremely intelligent people, most of them didn't major in English Literature.

Okay, okay! I'm still unproven talent at the moment. All I have to show for all my pluck, is a few measly short stories, and a lot of talk. Of course, I do have quite a bit which is waiting for completion, and quite a bit more which is headed for the garbage bins in Hollywood, and perhaps a few back alleys of major book publishers, but I'm not going to give up! Hey, writers aren't supposed to be appreciated, they're supposed to write in abject misery and obscurity...and so far so good...ha ha!

Anyway, I did want to post this before I forget the thought. I think it's important.

Well, it's 3:35 a.m. and I really need to get a few more winks before I have to go to work at my real job. Writing, as it is, is still just a hobby which keeps me up late or wakes me up early, at least until I sell my house, buy an Airstream trailer and move to California.

Nighty, night...

zzzzzzz.....

-Wade

Max Payne and GameGen on the Mend

2008-11-10T05:26:00.009-06:00

A lot has kept me from updating regularly, but there's no sense in me lamenting. Of the many things I've been busy doing, besides writing, I've been losing weight, doing artwork, staying in contact with my little brother, enjoying life, and yes, I even helped put a new president in office (woo hoo).

As for the whole "GameGen" thang, I did manage to see the new Max Payne film and, while it wasn't everything I was hoping for, (as some of you know from my 2004 interview with Sam Lake, "Sam Lake: The Original Max Payne") it certainly wasn't a waste of time. As far as game movies go, while it didn't seem to impress the critics, it really wasn't a bad picture. I liked it.

My inner sense about the film (as I believe most of Hollywood still doesn't get why their game movies fail) was that the director and producers still don't understand games or gamers, but maybe that's okay. The biggest mistake I believe they made was not allowing the narrative, film noir, dialog voice-over in the background.

As a creative writing and quasi-film major, I certainly understand that many years ago, Hollywood shelved the overused voice-over narrative (for the most part). However, I'm also sure that they didn't understand that it was a major part of the Max Payne gaming experience, because it was the graphic novel and voice-over narrative which kept the story alive and pushed it forward.

Consequently, most of the criticism about the movie was aimed at the viewer being lost. Most people didn't understand that it was the drug providing the special effect scenes in the movie. I know that the director as well as the writer of the script wanted that element to be a mystery, but, from the reactions I read and heard, no one was entirely sure.

Additionally, the story did take a few (much needed) left turns to create a more sensible backdrop. I actually enjoyed the switch to Lapino being an ex-Marine experiment. It made more sense than the creepy Satanist plot in the game. I don't know if Sam Lake had anything to do with the change, perhaps not, but it wasn't a bad change.

Mona Sax was fun! Although, I still saw the actress Mila Kunis, the gal who played the self-absorbed "Jackie" from That 70s Show, but I really thought she did a good job. Perhaps we'll be privy to the shower scene in the next movie?

All in all, I liked the film. I even went back to watch it again, although, my search to find "Sam Lake, the real Max Payne" somewhere in the movie was unresolved. I'd heard that he had a bit part, but I just couldn't pick him out. If they cut him, he was robbed!

Anyway, as for everything else in my life right now, things are great! I just have a little more work on my current 3-part short story (novelette?) titled: "The No Pwn Zone: The Woman Behind Gordon Freeman's Glasses," and then I'll be ready to begin shameless self promotion of my writings and website.

Until then, Sheila says, "happy gaming!"

Why do I want to write?

2008-07-05T19:55:00.012-05:00

Why do I want to write?

Ironically, all my work to pull this whole “GameGen” thing off—the four years of college, the nose to the grindstone after graduation, all the awesome work I’ve done on my website so far (cough cough)—are simply steps forward, it would seem, to a semi-dead-end of productivity and stagnation (not writer’s block, mind you, but more or less a temporary ceasing of writer activity until I can kick it into gear again).

Important things get in the way of trying to "leave a legacy," a new job, my youngest son getting married, relatives visiting, and of course all the good reruns on TV and the need for me to replay several very old video games on my shelf!

Alright, alright! I haven’t been a total lame-ass! I have actually been busy with life and all my plans to write have simply been trumped by many things I couldn’t help—along with a few things I could have helped but didn't. Most of the writing I do is usually done early in the morning, I just need to refocus and kick my own butt into gear (like I did when I was going to full-time college in the evenings while working a full-time job during the day).

The main problem with doing something (or trying to do something) as intangible as writing fiction for fun and (God forbid) profit, is that doing it in your spare time while you try to conduct an ordinary life is difficult at best—at the very least it’s a mind numbing pain in the ass which leaves you feeling very tired and unmotivated.

At least with college, you’ll earn an “F” if you don’t do anything. When a guy tries to write in his spare time, nobody notices if there’s nothing to read, they just ask things like, “So, what’ve you been up to lately since you graduated?” In which case you answer, “Oh, you know, stuff…” (secretly chastising yourself for being such a lame-ass).

This early blog stuff is really just for me anyway, and perhaps some great great great grandson in the distant future who wants to do a book report. The sad thing is that I leave a lot of stuff out simply because life is often too boring, or perhaps it’s just too disturbing to mention normal life events like, “Hey, guess what? In the span of just one hour this morning I took four separate poopies!” I mean, who the hell wants to read about that kind of shit?

In retrospect (at least for me) writing is about exercising personal creativity in a way which reflects my thoughts, ideas, and who I am (or was, as the case may be). Leaving a legacy is really an appropriate word. Writing is, perhaps, outside of having children, the only way one has of leaving a piece of oneself after death.

While writing doesn’t necessarily ensure immortality it does do one thing which having children doesn’t, it definitely reflects a part of the author. Whether the author is the writer of Beowulf, Ernest Hemingway, or Stephen King, all of their writings reflect a part of those people, a part which could not possibly have been conveyed any other way, and that’s really the reason I want to write. Whether I actually leave something that is worth your time to read is still yet to be determined, but I like it so far, and perhaps that’s all that is important.

While writing could perhaps be nothing more than a futile exercise in egotism, for me it is more about fear of being forgotten, and that is perhaps the most disturbing thing of all, or at least it is a bit of a downer, and I'm sorry about that, but it's true. I also worry about the people I love being forgotten, because they are such a wonderful part of my life, and perhaps that is why I include parts of them in some of my characters, even the bad characters.

On the positive side I believe writing fiction (or non-fiction for that matter) is also a way to help me examine my life and try and make the experience of life even richer, because I love life so very much. Lastly, I also have a hope that my writings (perhaps some day) may even do the world some good, because the world often seems so very hopeless (or at least there are many people who seem to have no hope, and that's bad).

I think the world needs more writers who offer hope. Even if it is just a hope that we won't be forgotten as long as we leave a little of ourselves behind. Maybe everybody should become a writer.

My Quickly Approaching Death

2008-05-19T04:43:00.009-05:00

It would seem, in light of the recent proof of my organization skills (i.e. earning a BA in English Creative Writing in the evenings in exactly 4.5 years, while working a full time job during the day) that I should be able to keep up with my own schedule for my blog, writings, and website.

Unfortunately, when someone isn't threatening me with an Article 15, a good ass kicking, poor grades, or making me feel guilty with really disappointed looks, I guess I just want to sit back, relax, and lick my hairy balls like a rottweiler waiting for his next Milkbone.

Okay, okay! I admit it! Negative motivation and fear are the two things which drive me on to greatness (or at least dispel my own feelings of self-worth) , and this is where you come in!

Here's what I need from you:

1. I was born on August 29th, 1961. As of this date I have, at the very best (if I live to be 85-years-old), only about 39 more summers before I die. Oh crap! That's not much time! Please remind me of this fact with statements like, "Hey! Ya old geezer! I see senility is coming on early! Get yer ass in gear and start pumping out stories or people will one day say things like, 'Who TF was Wade Buffington?'"

2. If I write something lame, please tell me how I could make it better while you insult my questionable upbringing with things like, "You poor, dumb bastard! Didn't anyone ever tell you that the first few pages of a story are the most important?" or "Hey, ass-wipe, you really screwed up the ending! Change it or we'll hunt you down and feed you to the chipmunks! Idiot!"

3. If I screw up, mispell (oops, I mean misspell) a word, make a grammatical error, or just plain suck, please ridicule me with statements like, "Hey! DUMB-ASS! WTF? Are you sure you graduated from college? Which college was it? Dumb-Ass University? Dumb-Ass!"

4. Oh yeah, and if you actually like something I've done, please don't compliment me! If I think I'm doing good I might get a big head and start the whole vicious cycle of procrastination all over again. So, if you do happen to like anything I do just say something like, "Keep 'um coming, dumb-ass!" That way I'll work extra hard.

Hey, I grew up in the 60s and 70s and then spent 22 years in the military. Negative reinforcement is what I'm used to. That's the way I roll.

Wade

David Levy: Sex Robot Messiah

2008-03-26T18:33:00.017-05:00

While this is more of a plug for David Levy's book, Love and Sex with Robots: The Evolution of Human-Robot Relationships, I wanted to at least give a nod to those in the arena of science who are interested in what Mr. Levy has to say.

Ironically, in spite of my own love of science fiction and my inclusion of the concepts Mr. Levy writes about in my own fiction, he is actually quoted in the articles as disliking science fiction. Ah well, ya can't win them all. Heh heh.

Anyway, Scientific American has been one of my favorite magazines for many years and it usually provides enough speculation and fodder for my brain to grow on. Since they have seen fit to include Mr. Levy in their fine magazine I'll simply offer the articles.

Humans Marrying Robots? A Q&A with David Levy

Not Tonight, Dear, I Have to Reboot

In case the articles ever get lost on the site, or SciAm decides to nix them for server space, here they are in pdf format.

DavidLevypt1.pdf

DavidLevypt2.pdf

For those who want to see Comedy Central's take, check out this interview. Colbert is merciless with Mr. Levy, but it's all in fun.

Game Movies and Movie Games

2008-03-22T04:36:00.021-05:00

What about game movies, or movies based after games? Are they GameGen? Of course! Unfortunately, though some may argue with me, most movies based after video games are not very good.

There are probably a few reasons for this—thin and predictable plots along with flat and wooden characters. However, the primary reason; movies take the player out of the equation. Films require one to sit down and be quiet, and the division will always be there, unless movies become interactive, and sometimes I just want to sit and eat popcorn. Movies are movies, and games are games.

Of course there have been some really good movies out there which have been based after games. Silent Hill was a pretty creepy winner, the Resident Evil franchise seems to be working, and while there are a lot of Tomb Raider haters out there, Lara Croft, played by the beautuful Angelina Jolie, has created quite a few ticket sales.

Another contestant worth mentioning is games created after movies, and they too, usually suck. Sadly, most video games based after movies are damned before they're started, simply because the game has to ship when the movie comes out. This is a juggling act that few can accomplish. However, a good example of a game based after a movie which didn't suck might be The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay.

Escape from Butcher Bay was not just a great game, but it secured the possibility for future successes in this area, and that's a good thing for gamers who love movies! It also helped that Vin Diesel had his hand in the game development process of Butcher Bay, because, I hear he loves games (having his own game development company and all).

Which brings me to the reason I think gamers should be the ones who define GameGen fiction (write game stories, novels, scripts, produce games, gaming music, and GameGen films), not clueless businesspeople whose experience with games ended in the 1980s. I think this is the most important thing we need to consider when trying to understand both the sucesses and failures of both gaming movies, or movie games. Who produces the best game movies and movie games, and why are they so good? Well, of course I know why, I (or we) just need to help the business people understand why.

Unless a creator, writer, director, artist, or whoever, actually understands (and plays) video games, there's a good chance that they'll screw up whatever they're trying to produce (AND LOSE MONEY)! It's the classic "out of touch" dynamic which makes parents seem like such losers when they try to be cool for their kids.

It's like talking about a music group to people when you don't actually like or even listen to that particular music group. Game movies or movie games produced by people who neither love nor play video games usually come off as incincere and patronizing, and gamers aren't stupid.

And here's a note that you may never hear anywhere else: Even though Peter Jackson's King Kong did less than spectacular at the box office, and the accompanying video game was not even discussed in gaming circles (at least none that I read), King Kong "the game" was possibly one of the most engaging and fun video games I've ever played! I'm totally serious!

Why? Because Jackson had his hand in producing the game, and he is not only one of the most talented directors in Hollywood, but he implicitly both loves, plays, and understands video games! Are you getting me here? He's one of us! If you never bothered to play Peter Jackson's King Kong, The Official Game of the Movie, you really should before all the copies are gone! It's awesome! Thanks Peter!

I think people like Vin Diesel and Peter Jackson probably understand games better than the rest of Hollywood, because they have their feet in both worlds, and this is what it's going to take for the winds of change to take effect.

Perhaps it's also the reason that game developers, and gamers who have little film experience produce such poor game movies. It's not that they don't understand games, it's that they don't clearly understand what makes a good film. I'd give examples, but I don't want to discourage my game developing brothers, I'll simply say that you need to take a few film classes, or at least pay closser attention to the classics.

The list of game movies is quite extensive, and most of the movies earn a B or less (mostly Ds and Fs, but some get an E for effort).

When will the real good game movies start coming out? When one or more things happen: 1) Either Hollywood starts playing games (some already do), and or, 2) when gamers mature and learn how to write, direct, and produce.

Actually, (and I may get shot with a railgun for this one) I think the problem is motivation.

The gamers who truly understand games may never try to go to college to learn how to write or learn how to make movies. Why? Probably because they're too busy gaming! (Ya bunch of lazy-ass frag monkeys!) And the people making money in Hollywood who could change things on the screen, are too busy making money to play a few video games to understand what it is that gamers might like. So, in the end, we may seldom see game movies worthy of our time. Unless Vin and Peter join forces.

However, I do think there are some gamers out there who may change things. I met a few kids in one of my scriptwriting classes who would like to change things. If you are one of those people, if you have this same vision to change the world, if you want to jump on the GameGen bandwagon, PLEASE! Jump aboard! It may mean a little homework. You may have to put your game controller down for a few minutes, but there's plenty of room! Pick any seat you like! I can use the company.

For a full listing (so far) of really bad game movies, and a few gems, go to:

Wikipedia: List of films based on video games

Wade Buffington

Reboot is Definitely GameGen!

2008-03-21T17:56:00.014-05:00

What is Reboot?

I'm glad you asked! Okay, maybe you didn't, but I really want to tell you about it, just in case you didn't know.

Reboot was the first 3D animation which really grabbed me and said, "Wade! This is what you need to learn how to do!" And that's why I became a 3D artist! Even if I'm a sucky 3D artist! Ha! It's also one of the influences to my whole "GameGen" vision thingy.

Reboot was an obsession, that my son and I had from about 1994 until ... um ... no, I guess we're still obsessed with Reboot, except they don't really play it on TV anymore. Maybe they play Reboot somewhere, but not in my town. Although, I'm sure it's available on torrent sites ... hmmmm ...

Anyway, while the graphics have been totally out dated, at the time, Reboot was the only game(gen) in town, even before Toy Story (which came out in 1995--the year of the Internet, with the release of Windows '95).

Reboot was a story which took place inside our computers, in a land called Mainframe. The characters were programs and viruses, and everyone played games in the game cubes against the users. Sound familiar? Yes! Reboot was basically a Saturday morning version of Tron, except the characters were a little more likable. The writing was awesome too! Really. If you get a chance, check it out!

Reboot went places Tron never did, and there were also plenty of laughs. Adventure? Yep. On the edge of your seat excitement? Oh baby! Death? You bet! Reboot had everything! Bad guys and good guys, conspiracies, and maverick programs that kicked Re-booty!

The bad guys were Megabyte, Hexadecimal, Hack, and Slash! Actually, Megabyte was the mastermind, who always seemed to lose. Hack and Slash were the comedy relief, because they were always screwing things up, and Hexadecimal had the curves, but she was plumb loco!

The good guys? Well, there was Bob (Guardian #452, acts as the guardian of Mainframe); Dot Matrix (the COMMAND.COM of Mainframe, who also owns a local diner); Enzo Matrix (Dot's younger brother who idolized Bob as a hero, later grows up to become the renegade simply known as Matrix); Frisket (Enzo's feral dog); and of course who could forget Phong? (every GameGen fantasy needs a Yoda). Sure there were other great characters, but these were the "Mainframe" players!

Reboot will always have a special place in my heart, and thanks to the artists and writers at Mainframe, now called Rainmaker Animation Inc., it all became a wonderful GameGen reality!

Thanks Mainframe/Rainmaker! You totally rock!

Wade Buffington

Star Trek and GameGen!

2008-03-21T07:02:00.015-05:00

People can split hairs if they like, and I, by no means, believe my views are the gospel of GameGen. I didn't create GameGen, I simply have made an observation, defined it, and put it forth as an idea about a genre, or actually a mixture of different types of fiction. GameGen, as I have already identified, is not just science fiction, but can also be horror, historical, or even literary fiction about people who play games.

However, primarily, GameGen resides in the realm of science fiction. One of the first examples in my own mind, though I have been told that old episodes of Dr. Who beat Gene Roddenberry to the GameGen table (as far as virtual, or existential realities are concerned), is the pilot of the original Star Trek series, The Cage, later repackaged as a two-parter titled The Menagerie, written by Gene himself.

In many ways, it was this episode which influenced, my yet unpublished screenplay and novel, The Hep Cat Club; a story about two tragically handicapped game developers who are given back their lives through a technology which provides a simulated use of their bodies, with all five senses in-tact, in a virtual game-like world.

The Menagerie actually offers a very similar backdrop, via the Talosian's mental powers, and Captain Christopher Pike (Jeffrey Hunter) and Vina (the beautiful Susan Oliver), two sad characters tragically disfigured beyond words, are given back their lives through their captor’s virtual illusions.

The reason the bad guys want Pike and Vina to "get it on" is because the Talosians are super geeks who lost the ability to entertain themselves with real life, so they have to live their lives vicariously through the illusions and emotions of others, (I guess they never heard of World of Warcraft).

However, Roddenberry actually incorporated stronger GameGen elements into his second big Star Trek series, Star Trek: The Next Generation, with the holodeck (quite possibly the most popular fictionalized game of all time!).

Sure, there are other television shows which have similar elements, but Roddenberry is king! No Star Trek fan would ever disagree.

Wade Buffington

1999: The year of GameGen Films!

2008-03-21T06:19:00.017-05:00

In the year 1999 there were three movies released which all had strong elements of GameGen: The Thirteenth Floor, eXistenZ, and, everyone's favorite, The Matrix!

The Matrix is still the embodiment of the "if you don't watch out the robots and AI will get you" movies. Terminator, T2, and yes, even Wargames, are the other classic examples.

I actually like The Matrix. It has virtual everything! In fact, reality sucks so much in The Matrix that one of the characters asks to be plugged back in to the human battery collective! Yeah!

While The Matrix overshadowed the other two, for many obvious reasons, it was The Thirteenth Floor which actually earns its place in my own mind as the quintessential example of a GameGen film.

It had all the elements, plenty of intrigue and misdirection, along with a healthy amount of existential levels of reality. It is awesome and you should watch it!

eXistenZ is another one of David Cronenberg's nightmarish (twisted vision) films which provide a disturbing interpretation as to where the technological revolution will take us.

I don't think he's entirely off in left field, but eXistenZ is such a gross-out flick, that the game loses most of its audience. I actually like the movie, but I generally don't eat while I'm watching it.

Anyway, while I'm sure that there are many others you could probably think of, including movies like Videodrome and Lawnmower Man, the films I have listed are the examples which define my GameGen observation best.

Please visit the Wikipedia links to view the information on each of these films, or better yet, go rent them!!!

Wade Buffington

Total Recall is GameGen

2008-03-21T06:12:00.011-05:00

This one really did it for me. The whole virtual vacation idea set my creative insanity on fire and probably did more to form some of my fiction than almost any other.

While it never comes right out and says, "this is a game," Total Recall is, by far, one of the most positive GameGen movies out there! It has the whole existentialist, misdirection, hall of mirrors, level within a level idea that I love to explore.

If you can get past some of the cheese packaged with the movie, it's fantastic! It also features one of my favorite actors. Nope, not Arnold, (although he's OK), I'm talking about Michael Ironside, the voice of Sam Fisher, of Splinter Cell fame. He's an awesome bad guy in this film. Michael is awesome in all his films!

Wikipedia: Total Recall

Wade Buffington

The Last Starfighter is GameGen

2008-03-21T05:18:00.006-05:00

The Last Starfighter is also a favorite of mine. Even though it's as cheesy as it gets, there is still an element to it that takes the fun and adventure from games and puts it into the realm of film and science fiction.

Heck, they even gave us the "beta-unit," an android which is a duplicate of the hero, Alex, to take his place while he's away saving the universe!

Wikipedia: The Last Starfighter

Wade Buffington

Wargames is GameGen

2008-03-21T05:04:00.009-05:00

Wargames, is, in my opinion, the literary fiction of GameGen (in film form of course). While Tron's focus was about people and programs within a game, and is completely rooted in an imaginary (virtual) world, Wargames is firmly rooted in reality (sort of).

It is about a highly intelligent kid who loves games, and his love of games almost kills him and the rest of us. Wargames in many ways surpassed Tron in that it made the importance, and even the possible danger, of artificial intelligence (AI) very real.

But the message isn't "games are bad," it simply teaches that global thermonuclear war is bad, and we'd better think twice before we blow ourselves up. Wargames is an awesome (GameGen) movie, and one of my favorites!

Wikipedia: Wargames

Tron is GameGen

2008-03-21T04:50:00.008-05:00

While there were many precursors which led to what I call "GameGen" films, Tron was actually the first which totally incorporated the primary elements.

Examine this film and you will understand that it was the first true pioneer of this burgeoning genre, and marked the coming Technological and Gaming Revolution in the 1980s and 1990s.

Tron also, thankfully, was an a amazing film.

Wikipedia: Tron

The Coming Robots

2008-03-17T21:13:00.009-05:00

The year is 2008. This is the current state of robotics. Technology grows at an exponential rate, more or less according to Moore's Law. In 10 years robots will be amazing, but still very expensive. In 20 years they will be more amazing, and prices will drop.

In 30 years robotics will begin to have a profound impact on society, in many ways, as never imagined possible. At that time the price will be within the reach of most people. In 50 years people will be befriending them, defending robot rights in court, and possibly marrying them.

Actually, most of what I say about robots is from a humorous perspective. I see robots like BigDog having much more of a military application. I even envision a time when soldiers will control bots much like BigDog and take over a compound, town, or perhaps invade a city or country.

All BigDog lacks is a dependable power source (can you say nuclear?). After that I'm pretty sure that several camera feeds, a satellite remote connection, and a weapon mounted on top would be all it needs. It's a scary world we live in, isn't it?

Meet BigDog.

New Video of BigDog Quadruped Robot Is So Stunning It's Spooky

"Boston Dynamics keeps working on their BigDog quadruped robot, which will probably grow to be the future AT-AT of the Pentagon. Its evolution since the last time we saw it is nothing sort of mind blowing, and a bit spooky.

It looks like an actual biological quadruped. Seeing it climb through rubble, snow, jumping over obstacles like a wild goat, and saving a near-fall on iced ground at the last second (fast forward to the middle of the video) defies belief. It feels so "animal" that I almost feel bad when they hit it to demonstrate how it regains balance on its own.

The new version of the robot can now carry 340 pounds, which is almost triple the previous weight. It looks to me that that $10 million funding they got from Darpa has been put
to good use."

The H-Robot
http://www.h-robot.com/

Facial animation.

Virtusphere!

2008-03-15T23:30:00.008-05:00

[News From Ananova]

The ultimate in video gaming has arrived - but at more than £15,000 it comes in a bit dearer than a PS3 or Xbox.

The VirtuSphere is like an oversize hamster's exercise ball that immerses the user in a 3D virtual reality world.

Players don a motion-tracking headset to project the visuals and then they are ready to begin virtual exploration.

They can run, jump, roll, or crawl over virtually unlimited distances without encountering real world obstacles.

The large hollow sphere sits on rollers allowing it to rotate through 360 degrees and move freely in any direction - without actually going anywhere at all.

The Washington-based manufacturers describe it as the ultimate computer games peripheral, but say it could also be used as a unique exercise treadmill or for simulation exercises.

Systems are made to client specifications, with customers so far including military and law enforcement organizations, as well as entertainment companies.

VirtuSphere has already been used by the Russian Tourism Authorities to let people walk through the Red Square and the Kremlin.

The Great Artist Revolution of the 21st Century!

2008-03-04T06:57:00.012-06:00

I don’t know who started it, perhaps we did, the end users. All I know is that this is big. We probably don’t realize how big this really is. There are some who realize—the corporate executives of the world realize.

I, by no means, am a Marxist. I believe in regulated and fair trade. I believe in capitalism. I know that in order for a country to be strong people have to spend money and others have to make money. I also know that unregulated capitalism brings with it a number of social evils which manifest themselves in various ways which aren’t necessarily good for people.

Drug companies have enormous power to push things into the market which can kill us; however, they also have the capitol to provide cures. Toy companies can produce dangerous toys or safe toys. The entertainment industry can shovel shit in our direction, charge us for the privilege, or promote true art. It’s a double edged sword.

There are also artistic works in this world which cannot be produced without corporate sponsorship. I would be hard pressed to say that a game like Half-Life 2 could have been produced without some type of corporate sponsorship, even if most of the money used to develop Half-Life 2 came directly from the deep pockets of Gabe Newell himself. Actually, if I'm not mistaken, most of the money did come from Gabe! Ha!

We sometimes need corporate money to exist. Argue with that if like, but without the corporate machine driving the oil, power, and communication industries, we would be dead in the water. No one in their right mind could possibly think that we could make it on selfless individuals to keep everything running—we’re just too frackin’ lazy without money to motivate us to do really boring, difficult, dangerous jobs, like working in an oil refinery, or a nuclear power station, or, on the executive level, to make sure everything is done according to strict standards, so we don't kill people or (worse?) … lose money.

You still want to hate the big corporations? You think supply and demand are tools of "haves" against the poor souls of the "have-nots"? You don't like arguments which support the corporate monsters of capitalism? How about this one: The awesome video game titles you love to play wouldn't exist if they didn't make millions of dollars for the big corporations supplying the wheels to get them into your hot little gaming hands! You still think everything needs to be free? You want to live in a socialist utopia? Obviously, you must think humanity needs to die so the cockroaches can take over. And if you believe that, go get some counseling, some antidepressants, and stay the frack out of my way or you'll get run over by my pickup truck! Freak!

Anyway, that’s not what I’m writing about today. Today I’m writing about something different. I’m writing about a movement, a rebellion, if you will, which has no equal in the realm of artistry. It is the strategic move, by powerful, well know artists, against the corporate control over art and information—primarily music, but there are other areas who are joining hands with these new leaders of the, as I like to call, The Great Artist Rebellion of the 21st Century.

Who are these leaders? Actually, the winds of change began a few years ago, and I won’t belabor this point by giving you a history lesson—others can write about that. However, upon getting up early this morning to finish up a few edits on my next GameGen e-zine magazine, I went over to Digg and read that Trent Reznor is releasing his recent work on torrent sites.

The work is titled Ghosts I – IV, and as the website states, is “a brand new 36 track instrumental collection available right now. Almost two hours of new music composed and recorded over an intense ten week period last fall, Ghosts I - IV sprawls Nine Inch Nails across a variety of new terrain.” http://ghosts.nin.com/main/home

I don’t know if you understand how very significant this action is, and others have already done similar things, but this marks a very symbolic event in the history of the modern, electronic world we live in. If you’ll pardon the expression, the action is nothing less than the driving of a figurative (Nine Inch?) nail in the coffin of corporate control over artists, and many of them are probably panicking.

Sure, copyrights and RIAA lawsuits will probably continue, and some of you will end up as casualties in a very strange war. However, this one thing is certain, if more and more artists, this includes, musicians, writers, along with more traditional artists, become more aware of the power that the Internet has given us, we will control our destiny.

Should artists be given a bi-weekly paycheck from the government to produce art? I've never believed they should, but others disagree. I suppose in a perfect utopia, maybe (although I don't think it would work—I've seen too much shit out there to trust some of you with my tax money, sorry). If you want to produce something, do it on your dollar, not mine.

Actually, I believe in the capitalist model for artists. I simply think that the artists themselves (if possible) should take charge of their own work, give away what they wish, and charge for the rest, sufficiently cutting out most of the middlemen. Of course, only the richest artists can front money for tours, and services, and tangible resources, most artists are not in that position, and so they must find a go-between (why do you think they call them middlemen?).

So, without a doubt, I'm not advocating that all artists should give away all their hard work for free. You wouldn't work a job for free, would you? And neither should a musician be expected not to earn money for their hard work. I just think it's cool when some can afford to do it.

I personally am just doing it to get my "foot in the door" so to speak. I know that I'm a small fish in a big sea and if I don't find some way to get you to read my stuff, you won't. On top of that, I have to find an audience who actually enjoys my writing. If I don't I won't quit my day job but at least I maintain some level of control over my writing future. And if I get picked up by a big publisher, you shouldn't think I sold out, just like you shouldn't think that about new musicians.

The Artist Revolution is not so much about giving our art away for free, but is about the new control over how you get it, and how many people stand between us. Heck, it may just give me a better contract if they know that I don't really need them, but I just don't want the burden of work.

I like working on my website, doing the multimedia, and my own covers right now, but it's very time consuming and I'd rather be writing or spending time with my family, or playing games. I'm simply approaching my art as a business; in order for me to do well I have to be willing to give some value to what I'm selling. The value to my writing is the extra stuff I can do to make it meaningful to you. Am I selling out to commercialism? No, I'm using it like a tool to get out my message, whatever that is. Only dead artists don't care. The alive ones who say they don't care are either rich or out of touch.

Sure, I'd like to live in a Marxist utopia where everyone is taken care of by a benovolent government, I just don't ever see that happening. True Marxism only exists in a classroom. Anyway, true Marxism is academic masturbation—usually held to by tenured professors, snot-nosed college students whose bills are all payed for, and people who think somebody needs to take care of them for the rest of their life so they can do whatever the hell they please, with little or no responsibility. Sorry folks, unless you're mentally or physically handicapped, I expect more from you. Really.

Art for art’s sake is always good, but not all appreciate it. There is a place for it, and I think Trent is doing just that, but he still wants you to buy his albums, not download them all for free on bit torrent. You still get a paycheck from your job, right?

We will control what we say, what we produce, and what the end user receives. And while this may open up some of us to outright failure and eternal obscurity, lost in the sea of information and creativity of the masses, it may be that the true artists, the ones which never would have been promoted by the corporate media, will rise to the top and have their artistry and message heard.

This Great Artist Rebellion or Revolution of the 21st Century holds more promise for true artists as no other art movement in the past. The people holding the money bags no longer can control what we hear, see, smell, taste, touch, and buy, and what we cast aside like yesterday’s garbage. Here’s to the artists making a difference in this strange new world of technology we’ve created!

Thanks, Trent! I don’t care what your critics say, Sheila says “You Rock!” and she not just saying that!

Cheers!

Would you like to join the rebellion? If you’re an artist, and wish to maintain license over your work, but also wish to share it freely, go to: http://creativecommons.org/ . They’ll give you a weapon and point you in the direction of the battle.

-Wade Buffington

Sex Robots?

2008-02-17T09:38:00.014-06:00

Sex robots? Do I really think they’re a good idea? Not really. Although, as Mr. Levy implies in his book, Love + Sex with Robots, there are a lot of people in the world who might be less frustrated with life.

It's reasonably safe to assume that there will always be people in the world who will never have a shot at relationship with someone really hot, or even mildly attractive. And, in the future, Synthetic Companions will probably be modeled after the most beautiful people the world has ever known: famous actors, musicians, game characters, even Anime.

If the technology brings AI and robotics together to create a life-like humanoid, which would be almost indistinguishable from the real thing, what person wouldn't consider Synthetic Companions a viable alternative? They'll cook, they'll clean, they'll baby-sit the kids, and they'll even ... "take out the trash" (euphemism for "do it" like a horny Macaque).

Do I think that computer and cognitive scientists should strive to create AI which will one day become self-aware, or will simulate self-awareness? I'm undecided, but, just as many science fiction writers have explored these themes, I think it will eventually cause some social and legal problems if we do create a self-aware race of synthetics. Do I think both of those things will become a reality one day? Absolutely!

Is simulated self-awareness something which we should be concerned about? Well, a lot of people seem to believe that human consciousness is only an illusion. They believe, in effect, that consciousness is simply a biological simulation of self-awareness. Could it be possible that we only think we're aware? Crazy talk!

Anyway, of course, many others believe consciousness is more than that; that we humans are more than the sum of our parts. I'd like to think so, but I could be wrong. Whatever the case, I'd just like to make all the voices in my head stop ordering me around, biological simulated self-awareness or not!

Why do I write so prolifically (so far) about such things if I don’t think they will be good for society? Well, mostly because it’s fun, like a game, and doesn’t appear to hurt anyone while I play.

I enjoy entertaining ideas and fictional situations, intellectual simulations if you will, to see what happens, like a little movie or game playing in my head. I do it for entertainment. I also do it to examine a potential reality in the future, and perhaps even make a difference in how that reality might turn out.

Writers, especially science fiction writers, have always done such things. It is, so to speak, our place in society. If it were not for the artists, poets, and dreamers, we might never have flown or walked on the moon. Jules Verne, H.G. Wells, George Orwell, Isaac Asimov, all gave us things to think about.

Wade Buffington
Dreamer and Idiot

In Search of a Few Clueless Friends

2008-02-17T08:27:00.015-06:00

I want it to be known that I have always been a man who has looked for answers to unanswerable questions. There have been times in my life that I’ve searched for answers in ways that many people would consider meaningless. I can only say that I did so out of a desire to discern, to learn, to grow—I have a never ending hunger to know.

People are strange creatures. Some imagine that we are nothing more than animals, and that there are no philosophical, or spiritual answers to the rational, physical accident of the existence of life.

Others imagine that life is the product and result of a power beyond the material, and that there is an existence of the supernatural, the non-physical, the spiritual realm.

To the materialist, who believes there is nothing more to life beyond the five senses, and that human consciousness is nothing more than highly sophisticated neural pathways and electrical impulses which evolved by way of millions of years of natural selection, I simply ask:

How is it possible, if one regresses back to the beginning of things, that matter and energy are either eternal, or matter and energy spontaneously emerged from nothing?

While some scientists and philosophers have written large books about this, all which end with no real answer, there can only be one answer if truly we live in an accidental universe. Obviously, neither of these two answers seem to bother the pure rational materialist—they obviously believe what really matters is the here and now, and, while it eludes my question, I can appreciate the practicality of such an answer.

After all, we’re here and there doesn’t seem to be any better answers attainable which can be empirically proven through our five senses. However, how is faith in either of these two answers any different than a belief in an eternal God, or a God which spontaneously emerged from nothing? Perhaps all four possibilities leave us with equal amounts of nothing. Absolutes seem nebulous in the vacuum of our ignorance.

OK. So why does a materialist or empiricist believe in right or wrong in the universe if there are no absolutes? Perhaps they ultimately do not believe there are absolutes, rights and wrongs, or “moral truths” in the universe.

If the materialist truly believes that there are no absolute moral truths in the universe, no rights, no wrongs to contend with, why do they believe it is wrong to murder, to steal, to lie, to cheat, or even to have sex with someone else if one is married to another? Social norms? Because they believe it is wrong? What?

Of course to hold to their argument, they may say our perceptions of right and wrong, or morality, is simply a means of evolutionary development, a way to preserve the species.

Society exists in a more harmonious, less destructive state, if its members do not murder, steal, lie, cheat, or sleep around, and those who do so are selected out of society because they are counter productive. (Although many of them seem to be reproductive, because there's no shortage of misfits, criminals, and fathers who leave their children for someone else to take care of. Hmm.)

If they believe that society, as a whole, is the determiner of right and wrong, and we are to follow suit in whatever society deems as right or wrong, how do you explain an entire society like Nazi Germany, who deemed some individuals as subhuman, and thus exterminated them?

If there are no universal absolutes of right and wrong, and society is responsible for maintaining itself for its own survival, ultimately, why do materialists hold to an ideology of right and wrongs for some and not others?

It seems like a moral dilemma which has a basis in predefined ideals which exist outside ourselves, not ideals which society has invented to survive. Are our perceptions of right and wrong tied up in some divine instruction coded in our DNA?

To the religious, or those who believe in a spiritual reality, why do we not have a better system of determining what the truths of spiritual reality really are? Because it's about faith? It sometimes seems a copout. If there is a divine power or being who created and gave us life, why do they seem so absent from our present reality? (Some would argue they haven't ... but it's all still a matter of faith.)

Why is God silent to the atrocities on Earth? Does God really care, or is he indifferent? And lastly, why are religious institutions filled with so many bad people (murderers, liars, thieves, cheaters, child molesters, and adulterers), and so few really good people?

Perhaps the perception is exaggerated because the bad people are more fun to report on, and the really nice people care nothing about self promotion? Who knows. (I have met some very nice people.)

Perhaps these things are unanswerable. Perhaps there are answers in the world we’ll never be able to find out. Perhaps there are both truths and falsehoods in the world which live side by side, as wheat must coexist with weeds. Perhaps.

The weeds, lies, and serial killers exist on the same farmland as the wheat, truths, and pilgrims of life—at least until the great harvest.

Perhaps a serial killer is like an asshole in a church; unless they expose themselves or commit crimes which destroy life, they look exactly like everyone else—I’ve seen weeds which look very similar to wheat.

I’ve heard lies which pretended to be truths. I’ve had enemies who’ve masqueraded as friends. I’ve had other friends who were just as curious and clueless about life’s answers as I have been, and were never afraid to say so.

I’m always suspicious of someone who says they have the answers, and I should listen to them. Usually they’re lonely people looking for an audience, or an asshole trying to sell me something.

Digital Pirates: Synthetics

2008-02-09T23:07:00.002-06:00

Digital Pirates: Sex Robots

2008-02-09T23:05:00.001-06:00

Digital Pirates: Tattoos

2008-02-09T23:03:00.001-06:00

Digital Pirates: Music

2008-02-09T22:54:00.003-06:00

GameGen at Disney

2008-02-08T06:08:00.002-06:00

Just as computers, games are becoming a ubiquitous part of our society. Why? Because the gaming generation is taking over! While the people making the decisions to include games into our society may only play games on the periphery, they include them because they know we are here.

Sadly, some of the things which pass for games, or at least decent games, are sometimes lame. Although, I will say that even when I encounter lame games in places which surprise me I end up saying to myself, “See! GameGen is here to stay!” And while games always entertain some pretense, even when they are trying to teach us something, they always have an element of fiction, and therefore it becomes another aspect of GameGen fiction.

This past week my wife, my adult son, Mike, Meg, his fiancee, and myself went, yet again, to Walt Disney World—my wife and I bought annual passes about a year ago and they were about to expire, so we went one last time (at least until we buy another one). In this past five years since we moved to Florida we’ve gone more times than you can imagine.

Why? I don’t know, because it’s fun. Get off my back, OK? Anyway, as I was saying, we went to Walt Disney World, and Epcot is usually part of the Disney experience. Walt was really an amazing futurist, and while not all his visions have become a reality, he has done quite a bit to influence the world in which we live.

Epcot was actually Walt’s idea about a future he saw. You can say a lot of things about the Disney Corporation, but this one thing is certain, he dreamt it, believed it, and built it! And that’s an important lesson for all of us.

OK, what’s all this got to do with my visit to Epcot? Simple. The iconic structure in the center of Epcot, Spaceship Earth (that big spherical orb-like thingy), just received a facelift (or at least some internal surgery). Thankfully, Spaceship Earth has always had a lot more potential than The Magic Kingdom’s Carousel of Progress!

Actually, I’ve always like the message that Spaceship Earth projected anyway. Spaceship Earth, to my knowledge has always been about humanity’s ability to communicate and influence the future, and that message hasn’t really changed, it simply honed and refocused the vision to reflect the current generation; the computer generation, the Internet generation, and yes, the gaming generation! But we’ll get to that just like the ride, at the end of this writing.

For those of you who’ve been on this ride, it’s slow, and some even say it’s boring. The face lift includes augmented travel pods where the travelers sit. The pods are now called time travel pods (I think, but time is the key element in the name). The other thing that has been added to the carts is video screens in each pod.

The dioramas are relatively the same and reflect the way we have created, and passed on information: mammoth hunters (new animation with hand gestures—I’ve got a few myself), cavemen and cave paintings (animated cave paintings on the wall), the Egyptians (the animatronics look a little newer), the Phoenicians, the Greeks, the Romans (complete with Rome’s flames, and the tragic loss of the Library of Alexandria).

Then, as your time machine travels toward the top of the sphere you see all the major advances in communication up to the 20th century, cresting over the top in a 1970s computer room (complete with Foxy Cleopatra), and then (this diorama was the more humorous), a Vega parked in front of Steve Jobs garage with him working on a personal computer!

The narrator talks about how young people were changing the future in a garage in California! Sure, it could have been Bill, but I’m thinking it was Steve. I don’t know, maybe it was Captain Crunch. Anyway, from there you go on into the unknown future where you can take part in creating your own future, and that’s where the screen comes in.

It flickers on and asks you a series of question about the type of future you and your traveling companion would like to have, then treats you to a Flash animation of the future, putting a picture of both of your heads, which a camera captured at the beginning of the ride. It was awesome! My wife and I laughed our heads off. It was great! After that the ride is almost over. There are obviously other changes I haven’t told you about, but that’s really the gist of the additions.

OK, so you’re asking, “so, where are the games you’re talking about?” and I’ll tell you. Now, don't get me wrong, anytime a large corporation uses video games, even if it is to sell something, I'm all for it. And Spaceship Earth isn't the only area Disney uses video games. There are also games to play after you ride the Mission Space (relaxing "Green-Team, and hand me a barf-bag "Orange-Team" ride). So Disney is definitely moving in this direction.

The games in Spaceship Earth are at the end after you get off and start for the door. Now mind you, the games are mediocre at best. There’s a racing game which uses nothing better than 7-year-old technology, and a brain teaser game. There’s also a video floor game.

Lastly, there is an ingenious 3D anatomy game, called Body Builder, where the player wears 3D glasses and puts together virtual transparent man. The bones and organs pass by on a conveyor-belt and the player plucks them up with a controller, via virtual floating crane. OK, the coolest thing about the game was that it was a large screen and everything was in 3D.

Other than that, all the games were relatively lame in comparison to what we play on PCs and consoles. Why? For the same reason that Second Life sucks green donkey appendages! The guys who wanted it done are not gamers! Although, the folks at Second Life will tell you otherwise, probably 90% of people who play Second Life are either casual gamers, or not gamers at all, and that’s why they think it’s so cool.

Actually, I would think Second Life was cool if I was playing it back in 1997! But this isn’t then, and Second Life is about as fun to gamers as VRML websites are to, um … gamers. Although, Second Life does one thing which I think is cool—1) it is an interesting way to communicate with others half way around the world, and 2) it sets the stage for the future, for something better. So in that sense, I’m glad Second Life exists, even though I don’t really like Second Life (I personally thought "There" had more potential, and was more aesthetically pleasing).

Did Disney make a mistake in putting lame-ass video games at the end of a multi-million dollar ride? Absolutely not! Because it shows me that they’re thinking of us (although I wish they would listen to us instead). However, on the day they turn over the reigns to a GameGener, and that day is quickly approaching, we’ll see some pretty frickin' awesome stuff! (I hope, but who can know for sure?)

Gamers may never have influence in the business world, and all the decisions may be made by people who don’t have a clue. Although, I will say that gamers are popping up in the strangest of places. I hear Peter Jackson is an avid gamer, and I know for a fact that there are quite a few individuals in the media who play video games.

References to games are in everything from the latest movies, television shows, to novels, and academic essays. Game technologies are being used in the military and medical professions. Video games are saturating our society. The technology is becoming almost ubiquitous, although ubiquitous generally means that you don't see it in the background, and games will always be in your face.

I’d guess that high profile business folks, lawyers, doctors, and politicians all have undercover fragmasters in their ranks. I still think it’s just a matter of time before they rocket launch out of their closets and blast holes in out-moded ideas about who should and shouldn't play video games.

Heck, my Dad and stepmother just told us about a boxing match they played on a Nintendo Wii, and she kicked his ass! Obviously, she loved it and he didn't want to play anymore.

The future game developers also have their work cut out for them, just as they do today. Titles and new technology come and go so quickly that it’s almost a blur. The future may get some really cool tech.

Hopefully, by that time, Second Life will be one of the coolest social experiments of anything we’ve seen, but until the executives making all the final decisions actually PLAY games, we will continue to see 10-year-old technologies pawned-off as “state-of-the-art.”

Sadly, while, as a gamer, this frustrates me, I’m still OK with it, because, as I said before, they’re thinking of us. They’re thinking of the gaming generation. They’re thinking about the future.

GameGen. We are the future.

-Wade Buffington

Wikipedia Rocks!

2008-02-02T07:36:00.001-06:00

One of the first things you learn in college, in this post Internet society of ours, is that Wikipedia is a no no. If you cite Wikipedia as a reference in an essay, or other work, you will "suffer a fate worse than death!" It's even spelled out in a few of the syllabus’s I was handed on the first day of a semester.

OK. I understand. Anyone can edit Wikipedia, and it therefore can be corrupted and or tampered with. I'm sure there would be nothing worse than studying for a test and using Wikipedia, only to find out after you get your test back, that the Huns never invaded Philadelphia. Yes, that would definitely be a "worst case scenario."

However, there is one thing which really bugs me now that I'm graduated from UWF, and, at least for now, I have no immediate plans of pursuing post grad work. I just want to write. I don't want to be a professor. I doubt they'd let me anyway. The one thing that bugs me is that I no longer have free access to the campus library resources. Even though thousands of dollars were spent on my education, now that I'm "just an alumni" I can no longer download an academic paper on Beowulf, or James Joyce. At least not without going up to the front desk and getting a temp log-on.

Here we have wireless computers everywhere, information coming out of our asses on every subject from Ma and Pa Kettle Go to Town (1950) to How to Build a Nuclear Bomb, but I can't access university library resources from any computer I damn well please! Now that just sucks.

At least I still have Wikipedia! You academic elitist bastard scum!

By the way, while my schedule for getting out my first issue of GameGen for January, featuring my short story, "Fire and Mischief," has been slightly amended by my own ineptness, and will be released not later than Feb 14th. I'll have it posted soon, along with the mp3 podcast, I promise!

My February issue will be following closely on its heels. I'm actually looking forward to releasing it, because in my story, "Harold Palms and the Sex Robot" I write about an element of Wikipedia which I envision for the future.

In my story, while Wikipedia will still be an encyclopedia which anyone can edit, I envision that people will be responsible for their postings, via biometric scanning hardware (probably something which will happen sooner than later), but in my story, people may suffer steep fines for inaccuracies (or at least public ridicule and humiliation).

Sure, the idea may not satisfy the college professors when it's time to do a report, but it would make using it a little more reliable when you need to study for that history exam.

Visionary for the Future!

Wade (I want my Wikipedia) Buffington (Feb 2008)

I Sometimes Dream In Computer Games

2008-02-02T03:12:00.002-06:00

I haven't exactly determined why I'm posting some of these thoughts. They, whoever the hell "they" are, say a writer should keep a journal and read a lot. Perhaps "they" are right. In actuality, most of these entries, as I've said in previous posts, are for my distant progeny--my way of time traveling to the future to say, "Hey! What be up?"

As far as the title of this particular post, I do sometimes dream in computer games. It is a phenomenon which I first experienced shortly after finishing Half-Life, the first game, back in 1999. I must have already played it through several times and it obviously was on my mind.

It wasn't actually about the Half-Life world, I wasn't Gordon Freeman; I don't remember crowbaring any alien zombies (to my recollection). However, I do remember elements of the game story of Half-Life seeping into my dream world. Why? Obviously because we dream about the things which hold some significance in our lives (for good or bad, I suppose), but not always are dreams significant.

While I actually don't purposely try to remember dreams, some are unforgettable, some I forget before I wake. Dreams are something the mind does to reboot, I suppose. Although, people like Freud see dreams as an extension of who we are, and perhaps he is right, it may just have to do with the business of the mind reviewing the thoughts and experiences of the day. And, sometimes, dreams probably just represent something we've spent a lot of time doing.

The other morning before I woke up to go to work I dreamt that I was in Tony Soprano's gang and we were taking on a rival gang. It was kind of cool to see that sociopath again. There he was directing us and cocking his shotgun. Why did I dream of Tony Soprano?

Because from October 2007 to January 2008 my wife and I watched every single episode of The Sopranos from Netflix, and we watched them back to back on my video projector on our living room wall at the screen size of nine feet wide by six feet high. It's no wonder I dreamt of the Sopranos!

Is that a good thing? Maybe, maybe not. At this point I really don't care; I enjoyed the series, so what. Does it hold any significance for me? Do I really want to join the mafia? No. Just like video games aren't real to me, but I still enjoy them. I think too many people suppose that media has a detrimental effect on kids, and perhaps the rest of us. The problem is not media. The problem may have more to do with parents or biology, although I won't rule out societal influence.

However, even people like Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, the Trench Coat Mafia, whom the media blamed video games as a contributing cause to their violence, make up their own minds far removed from external influence. Although, I don't rule out media's influence, I lesson its impact in the big picture of why we do what we do.

Perhaps, as one of my professors at UWF taught, popular media is a cultural artifact of the people who produce it, not the reason we act the way we do. However, I suppose it's possible that we emulate what we experience through the media, be it television, movies, or games.

My wife and I just watched the classic (1944) film noir movie, Double Indemnity, last night, starring Fred MacMurray, Barbara Stanwyck, and Edward G. Robinson. The screenplay was written by Billy Wilder and Raymond Chandler, and was about a couple attempting to get insurance money by knocking-off her husband. Toward the end of the film the relationship breaks down and MacMurray and Stanwyck's characters try to get rid of each other. The story basically showed people how to commit murder, and at the time of its release, the media had a heyday.

Did the movie contribute to the crime of the day? Maybe, maybe not. My mother tells me that her father, my grandfather, sometime in 1944-45, robbed a liquor store with a girlfriend and ended up shooting and killing the girlfriend. Apparently, with the money in hand and the FBI on his tail, he took my grandmother and 3-year-old mother on a 1000 mile ride south to Miami before the FBI finally caught up with him. Then he did ten years in prison.

Did he go to the movies and watch Double Indemnity before he committed his terrible act? Perhaps. Would he have done it had he not seen the movie? Probably, but really who the heck knows. Those are the kind of questions no one can answer. Sort of like the chicken and the egg. In the end does it really matter? No. He did it. He went to prison. My only question, why was he so frackin' stupid? I guess because humans do some pretty stupid things.

Why do we like to watch characters like Tony Soprano, the murderers in Double Indemnity, or even a video game character, like in Grand Theft Auto? Perhaps we simply like to live outside of ourselves for a moment in time and not have to suffer the consequences of anti-social behavior. It's fun. Only complete idiots and people who have mental and emotional problems act out what they see in the media. Should we edit out all the violence and corruption in film, television, and video games?

The Bible has more sex and violence than all the television, movies, or video games I've ever watched or played. From the entire cultures God wipes out with flood, fire and brimstone, to the prophet Elijah's slaying of the prophets of Baal (although Jezebel was no slouch), the incest of Lot, the multiple wives of Abraham and Isaac. How about where God orders Joshua to exterminate every man woman and child living in their Promised Land? Hmmm. God sanctioned genocide, but abortionists are going to hell (I don't like that last sentence either, but it makes you think.) Or what about the adultery of King David with Bathsheba and his plot to murder her husband?

The New Testament gives us different ideas about God. The violence is usually done by everyone else. The behedding of John the Baptist is memorable. The only violence from God's team is when Peter hacks off a guard's ear with a large knife, the slaying of Annanias and Sapphira by God for holding back cash from the offering plate, and when Christ returns in Revelation after God has the angels smite the Earth with plagues, pestilence, and bowls of wrath. One could say, especially after considering the crucifixion of Christ, that the "blood-letting and violence" is in God's Biblical plan for life, at least the Judeo-Christian, and Muslim idea about God, which is taken from both, (the rest of the gods are on their own in this writing).

Regardless of whether you know about all the scriptural references listed above or not. The incidents ARE there in the book if you'd like to check. Should we keep people from reading it? No. However, can we say that Biblical violence is OK to teach small children in Sunday School, but secular violence is a big no no? Seems like a hypocrite’s argument to me.

Even in secular psychological studies, where academics attempt to determine the negative influence and affects of violent video games on children and adults, by having people play really old video games like Doom (I never understood this one), but I still don't see any real convincing evidence that it turns people into killers.

Most I've read are OK, and all attempt to advocate less violence in the media. So, I don't know, perhaps they're right, (but really, they should have used a newer video game than Doom, because, at the time of the study, Domm was already about 7-years-old, and that's like 150 in video game years! Which makes me think Anderson and Dill, the PhDs which did the study, were complete idiots).

Sure, perhaps there should be less violence in the media--I would die a happy man if I never had to watch a SAW movie. However, as far as I know, Hitler's favorite movie was Metropolis, not Natural Born Killers. Sure, Oliver Stone's movie wasn't out yet when Hitler was committing his own acts of genocide, although, now that I think about it, he did have access to a Bible. Hmmm.

To even-out the argument (accusations?), I will say that we all make, and approve of some form of violence. Whether it's bombing Hiroshima, putting a serial killer to death, partaking of the beef industry, or using mouse-traps and poisions on rodents and insects, violence and blood-letting is part of our culture (there are some who wouldn't do any of these things, but they're no one I'd want to invite into my home).

Look folks! I don't have any frickin' answers here! Really. I only know that we are what we are! We are good, evil, happy, sad, violent, non-violent, horny, and (perhaps some of us) chaste (or at least repressed). And we'll get thrown in the slammer if we misbehave, here or maybe even in the afterlife. But keep the damn video games I sometimes dream about out of the argument. OK?

Keep the toddlers and pre-teens from playing the next Grand Theft Auto. I think that's a good idea. It's probably a good idea that you keep them away from a lot of television and movies too. Obey Crosby, Stills, and Nash's "Teach Your Children Well!"

Parents have a difficult job these days, and it's not easy to keep a focused balance. Hell! I even sometimes think the Amish have the right idea. If I'd just put away my thoughts of video games and sex robots! If I'd only get rid of everything electronic and embrace the simple life! Hey, maybe I'd be happier with a chin curtain, milking cows, and calling everyone "brother" or "sister," but I'd still eat meat.

Brother Wade (February 2008)

Tyler Durden Was Here

2008-01-30T19:17:00.002-06:00

There are many reasons I'm awesome! Now don't get me wrong, I'm no better than you (unless you're some a big a-hole killer or like to torture small animals, I'm sure my self-image is a little better than yours). However, for the rest of you who behave yourselves reasonably well, you can be awesome too!

How? All you have to do is decide to do something you’ve always wanted to do, even if everyone tells you it’s impossible, and just do it! If you want to learn Japanese, take a class (I took two semesters, and now I can get lost in Tokyo and feel confident about it). Hey! If you want to play guitar, go buy one and take lessons (I play guitar, of course I suck, but who the hell cares! I don't charge money, and small children think I'm quite talented).

Although, if you're wanting to walk on the moon, or some crazy shit like that, well, you may be sadly disappointed, but still, many things in your life are within your reach if you apply yourself, work hard, and don't give up. If you do it, whatever "it" is, you will always be able to find people who will tell you things like, "Wow! You're really awesome!"

Anyway, the most recent reason I'm awesome is because, at the age of 41, in the summer of 2003, having almost no college credits, working a full-time job for the US Navy as a civil servant illustrator, I began attending evening classes full-time (12 credit hours per semester). I started at Pensacola Junior College from 2003-2005, and took the last two years at the University of West Florida, graduating on December 15^th, 2007.

OK. So I didn’t get a degree in Nuclear Physics or Chemistry; it was English/Creative Writing. My GPA was only 3.6, not 4.0, big woop. And I went to Pensacola Junior College and the University of West Florida, not Harvard or MIT, big frickin’ deal! I still did it! When many doubted I could hack it (including a few of my professors), I frickin' did it! I’m awesome! See! I told you!

There’s a fantastic scene from one of my favorite movies, Fight Club, where a convenience store clerk has an encounter with Tyler Durden. Tyler tells him at gunpoint that he has to go back to school and become a veternarian, as he planned before he dropped out, or Tyler promises to hunt him down and remove his happy place. Did the guy do it? Probably, at least in my head he did.

I agree, Fight Club is not a movie for everyone. Even my advanced scriptwriting professor said that the violence in the movie was almost too much for her when she first saw it, but I gotta tell ya, I completely loved the movie! Not for the violence, but for some of the profound ideas behind the movie, (there were also some really great lines).

One (underlying) idea behind the movie was, if there is something you really want to do in life, no matter how hard it is, and if you have the ability, you better damn well do it or you might as well be dead. Life is too short to let fear and laziness determine your future. Obviously, I identified with the clerk (since I'm often afraid and, yes, lazy), but it was a really powerful moment for me, and probably is the reason I believe writing is such a meaningful pastime. Writing can change lives, whether it’s the novel by Chuck Palahnuik, or the screenplay by Jim Uhls, it helped me make a decision in life. Sure there are better writers out there, but those guys did it for me.

In spite of how many people who said I was crazy for going to college in my forties, (including myself), I actually did what I set out to do. Although, I admit I changed the plan in the end from being a teacher to being a writer, but I also believe that writers can be one of the most powerful teachers in the world (at least if a few people read their stuff). Most teachers have about 150 students a year and work for 20-30 years, and at best only reach about 5000 kids in their lifetime, a writer can reach, potentially, millions.

However, I do believe teaching is important. So, if you want to be a teacher, the potential for changing the world is still very great. I really want to encourage all young people (and even older people), go to college! Get an education. Be a teacher! Be a scientist! Be something! Don't wait until you're too old. It's hard to do when you get older. Sure, you study harder, make better grades, and don't pickle your brain in frat drinking games, but going to college when you're old isn't much fun. The professors don't really appreciate that some of their older students have experience and wisdom, they're too busy trying to mold young minds into images of themselves.

I also want to encourage young people to do as well as they can in junior high and high school, so they can get into college and study things which will help the world. We especially need science majors: Biology, Physics, Chemistry, Electronics, Robotics, Engineering, or Medicine. We desparately need more scientists! If science isn't your thing, that's OK, but if you've got the chops, PLEASE! Do the hard work and become a scientist!

For those of you who’ve never seen Fight Club, it's worth watching. Be your own Tyler Durden! Kick your own ass into doing something with your life! Do something you’ve always wanted to do! Study! Learn! Practice! Achieve!Whatever "that" is, and only you know, just frickin’ go do it! Come on, man! Or woman!

Death waits for no one!Don’t waste time! You only have so much time in life—don’t waste it! Whatever it is you want out of life, you’re the one who’s got to do the hard work to make it happen! Don’t let anything get in your way! There will always be obstacles,but it’s up to you to deal with them. You can do it!

OK, I’m done. In six weeks, if you haven't taken steps to accomplish the things you want in life, I'm going to hunt you down.

-Wade (Jan 2008)

PS. And for those of you who think I go around all the time telling people I'm awesome, I really don't. Most of the time I don't even feel awesome. You knew that, right?

The Sims 2

2008-01-27T09:50:00.002-06:00

On the 18th of September of 2004, Hurricane Ivan hit Gulf Shores and the Pensacola coast with catastrophic winds. By the time the storm finished it had done over $20 billion dollars in damage to both the US and the Caribbean, and well over 100 lives were lost.

On the 17th of September, the day before the storm, The Sims 2 was scheduled for release in the US. Where was I on the 17th of September, 2004, while Ivan was heading in to wreak destruction? Looking for The Sims 2 at a local store in Pensacola, of course! Sheesh!

Actually, when the stores didn't have The Sims 2—they were all scrambling to sell water, batteries, and camping gear, because the electricity was probably going to go out—I was a little disappointed. When I asked for it at Target, the lady just looked at me like I was living under a rock or something, and told me she didn't have a clue.

OK, we didn't stick around. My wife, kids, grandson, dogs, and I all fled the area. We went to someplace much safer to sit out the storm. Where did we go, you might ask? Walt Disney World.

That's right. While people were having their homes demolished, struggling for their lives, and wishing they would have gone when the going was good, we were sitting in a hotel in Orlando enjoying the storm from the comfort of a television set. And as for Disney, it was fantastic! There were absolutely NO lines! I think we went on the Buzz Lightyear ride about 20 times. It was frickin' awesome! Really.

After we got back the next week, we saw the damage and we were all glad we left. While our house only suffered a few missing shingles, a few people in my office at work suffered terrible damage. It really sucked. However, for us Ivan was merely an inconvenience.

The electricity was off for almost four weeks. They canceled college classes for about the same, and I didn't have to go to work. Every morning we would all get up and I'd go out front to start the grill and brew some coffee. Then I'd sit and drink coffee while I read science fiction novels for most of the morning. All in all, it was one of the most awesome vacations I've ever had in my life! Really! I'm not kidding. We got to know the neighbors and everyone got along like old friends.

Tragically, now that the electricity is on, everyone in the neighborhood went back to ignoring each other, I had to go back to school, AND work! Man! That really sucked! Coming off a four week vacation is a bitch! But I've still got all my memories. "Ahhhh, hurricane Ivan. He was one sweet bastard, wasn't he?"

Actually, I really don't mean to make a joke out of the suffering that was around us, but even now, as you read this, someone in the world is suffering untold misery and you could care less, so get the hell off my back! OK?

Anyway, I'm attempting to get all these old game reviews on my website, if for no other reason than to fill up space and say, "See, I really have written this crap longer than three weeks! I've been published in a crappy Junior college paper!" In which case you can nod your head and say, "Ya frickin' lunatic! Junior college newspapers will print anything! Didn't you know that?" in which case I'll say, "So! Yer legs are stupid!" and stick out my tongue.

Anyway, here is my old game review of The Sims 2. Will Wright is probably the most awesome game developer on the planet! Although there are many who might disagree, I like him for his humor and his outlook on life. I'm really looking forward to his upcoming title, Spore. I think it may be his best work yet. In actuality, I really believe it will be game AI, in the end, which will be used for robotic AI.

While the scientists are currently trying to get their mechanisms to walk and interact properly, it will be software which drives the industry. I happen to believe it will be game software, but I could be wrong. I just think that robots in the future will be more about entertainment, and they will quite possibly be sentient, or at least come close.

OK, enough! On with the old crappy game review I did four years ago, when the electricity finally came back on, I went back to work and school, found a copy at Target, played it, and wrote my review for the Corsair: Scallywag section. Here it is!

The Sims 2 Will Continue On and On
game review by Wade Buffington

Issue date: 11/17/04 Section: Scallywag

Working her way through medical school, the beautiful redheaded Rachel Lutz, was temporarily renting a room at Ben and Sally Masterson's home until she could afford a place of her own. It seemed that Sally Masterson was always in a bad mood and spent most of her time complaining to Ben about the things she didn't have.

Ben, a pot-bellied, balding, retired businessman who lost most of his fortune in the stock market a few years back, spent his days trying to avoid Sally's sharp tongue and yard work. However, the one thing Ben never tried to avoid was bumping into Rachel.

Rachel always knew what Ben was up to, and in spite of him being 20 years her elder, she found Ben to be funny, endearing, and a little sexy...but then again, she may need glasses (and a little psychotherapy). Regardless, she was really starting to fall for Ben.

It wasn't long before joking turned to flirtation, flirtation turned to horsing around, and horsing around eventually turned into...well...having Sally Masterson busting in on Ben and Rachel's two-person game of Monkey-House Twister on the living room floor...AYE CARAMBA!!!

In spite of the fact that Ben was never much more than a meal ticket and free cable TV, Sally took it very hard. As the weeks went by Sally began to talk to invisible rabbits and schedule midnight appointments with Dr. Yazoo the local psychotherapist. In the end, Sally stayed but Rachel who also remained in the house, was soon pregnant with Ben's bambino.

After baby Bobbie was born, having Ben's good looks and Rachel's red hair and fun loving (nearsighted) personality, Sally had enough and finally moved out. And, as so many stories go, Rachel had to quit both her job and school to care for little Bobbie Masterson. Unfortunately, late one Saturday evening after a fun evening of barbecue and "Beach Blanket Bingo" ...Ben suffered a massive coronary and went to that great Stock Market in the sky.

Many years passed and (after a few jump-starts) Rachel eventually met Mr. Right (that is, until Mr. Right ran off with the maid). Bobby, the spitting image of his father Ben, grew to be a responsible young man. Sally finally dropped out of the picture entirely (rumor has it that she's seeing the rabbit again, and they're dating).

Strangely, that's not the end. The Sims 2 will continue on and on. This is only one story among millions that you can be a part of. It can be as normal or as twisted as you like. The main difference between the original Sims and Sims 2 is the player's ability to totally create the way they look using the Sims 2 "Body Shop," and the genetics they pass on to their children, grandchildren, great grandchildren, great-great grandchildren... Other than being a rock solid contender for the biggest selling game of the past couple of years the Sims 2 has something for almost everyone. And yes you can still torture and make them neurotic! While not the flagship the original title became when first released, the Sims 2 lives up to all the hype...just make sure you have a fast system and a good video card if you want a big house and a lot of friends.

Official website: http://thesims2.ea.com - available for PC. (Of course now they've got it on everything and I think you can get The Sims: Mental Ward edition)

"Long, Slender Legs"

2008-01-27T08:24:00.001-06:00

This was written in response to my daughter, Tess's, desire to write, and I was trying to show her how to write dialog. Rather than use one of my other stories, I decided to write something fresh. Something short. This is what I wrote.

"Long, Slender Legs"
By Wade Buffington

-----The early morning sun rose over the rolling Mississippi hills. The two lovers stood in the green meadow and looked longingly into each other’s eyes. Dew glistened off their unclothed bodies. Her legs were long and slender, in contrast to his, which were short, stout, and quite hairy.
-----“Wilbur, I love you,” Nancy said.
-----“I love you too!” Wilbur said, “but are you sure you should be saying that so loudly? After all, I’m a mule.”
-----“It doesn’t matter to me, Wilbur dear. I think you’re perfect just the way you are.”
-----“Gosh. Really?”
-----“Is that all you can say, silly?”
-----“No, but I think you might need to rethink this whole thing. Uh, I mean, it might be OK for horses and mules to get together where you come from, but out here in the country they’d never go for it!”
-----“What! I can’t believe what you’re telling me. Are you saying we shouldn’t be together?”
-----“Well, er…I mean, you know how it is. All the goats and the chickens would all laugh and talk behind our backs as we trotted by. I couldn’t take that! No, No, you know I love you, but I don’t think we shouldn’t see each other anymore. Besides, Momma always used to tell me that mixed relationships were trouble. That’s how she met Papa and he ended up running away with some quarter horse. I’m thinking she was right!”
-----Nancy’s face dropped with disappointment. She imagined that the day she found true love everything would be different, but this mule was stubborn. However, Nancy refused to give up. She could be stubborn too, and she loved Wilbur, or at least she thought she did. And if she was going to get Wilber to marry her she was going to have to trick him.
-----“Wilbur?” Nancy said seductively.
-----“Yeah?” he said as he sniffed a flower on the ground. Then his head popped up again and he thought, “Oh no! I’ve got to take a doodie! I’ve never done that in front of her before! What if my irritable bowel syndrome freaks her out! I would be so embarrassed. Hey! I know! Maybe I can excuse myself and go over behind that tree.”
-----“Wilbur? You seem distracted. Is anything wrong?”
-----“Um…no…no! Nothing’s wrong. I was just thinking I…um… was…thirsty! Yeah, that’s it! I need to get a drink. A drink! I need a drink!”
-----“Well, here! Drink this bottle of Crown Royal farmer Wilkens left on this tree stump over here and let’s go into town.”
-----“Um, well, OK.” Wilbur said as he reluctantly picked up the bottle of booze with his mouth, tilted it up over his head and began guzzling.
-----“Good! Good! Down the hatch,” Nancy said as she watched Wilbur empty the bottle. When he finished it he stumbled back, and burped the loudest burp either of them had ever heard. “My my! Such manners!” Nancy giggled. “How do you feel now that you’ve had your little drink, sweetie?”
-----Wilbur shook his head from side to side, moaned, and swayed back and forth on his hairy, stout legs. His eyes widened and he grinned, exposing all his un-kept mule teeth and his swollen, purple gums. With an explosion of energy, Wilbur stood up on his hind legs, jumped up on the tree stump, spun around in a circle, put his front hooves over his head and shouted, “I feel GOOD!!!” Suddenly, a forceful stream of doodie shot from Wilbur’s backside, like a dynamited Oregon mud slide, splattering on both them, the stump, and the ground behind him in every direction.
-----They looked at each other in shock. Wilbur’s eyes rolled up in his head and he fell backwards off the tree stump and fainted. Wilbur’s body hit the ground with a loud thud.
-----Nancy galloped away on her long, slender legs.

_________________________________

Well, that's it. Sometimes that's the way love goes. Boy meets girl, girl tricks guy, guy shits all over himself, girl runs away.

It's sad, really...

-Wade

My Harmonica

2008-01-26T10:25:00.001-06:00

In April of 2004 I got this crazy idea in my head that I wanted to play the blues harmonica, so I bought a really nice one from an Internet music store and proceeded to practice. The first day I got it I put it in my college book bag and brought it with me to class so I could play in my car during breaks. That night I accidentally left my book bag in the classroom when I left for the night (which I never did again). The next day I went back to get it and, while all my books and papers were there, my harmonica was GONE!

The next few weeks I put up wanted posters around the school with a picture of my harmonica on them. I even offered a reward (I obviously did this to torture myself—because that’s the kind of crazy shit I do when I don’t get enough sleep).

While the following is one of my old, semi-comical, altogether frightening rants against the evils of society, it reflects the half-crazed, pre-CFlex mood I was experiencing at the time (I’m an apnea patient who sleeps with a CPap or CFlex machine now and I'm feeling much better).

Anyway, a friend of mine (thanks Julian) gave me a copy of it a few days ago. I had forgotten I had written it. When I read it, tears formed—tears of laughter. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

My Harmonica
By Wade Buffington (written: 4/9/04)

Someone at school stole my harmonica.
It was one day old.
I just got it in the mail the day before.
I wanted to learn how to play the blues.

It was a top-of-the-line Lee Oskar in the key of C,
And they ain’t cheap!
The criminals took it out of my book bag
Which I accidentally left in the classroom.

When I went back to retrieve it yesterday,
My harmonica was gone!
Now it’s out there…somewhere…
…with someone else’s greasy lips all overt it!

They’re probably getting drunk with their stupid buddies,
Coming up with new uses for my harmonica.
They’re probably running it back and forth over their
Un-kept, Unwashed, Flagellating, Ass-Cracks!

Bastards!

Yeah, they’re probably trying to play “Oh Susanna” or some shit.
They’re probably laughing hysterically saying,
“Hey, lookie what I can do! Oooooh! Heh heh! That one was juicy!
Hey! I wonder if that guy wants his harmonica back now?”

Those bastards!

They’re probably asking themselves
“What kind of an idiot wants to play a harmonica, anyway?”
Because the only thing they know how to play
Is the 3 inch skin flute!

Bastards!

My poor harmonica…
I’m so sorry dear harmonica in the key of C
That I didn’t take better care of you.
I’m so very sorry.

They’ll never love you like I did.
They’ll never appreciate you like I did.
I guess we’re both playing the blues now.
Especially if one of those perverted harmonica stealing bastards
Is using you for a musical fart tester!

Dirty, musical fart testing bastards!

I hope it gets caught on one of their anal hairs
And they cry for Momma!

My harmonica.

-Wade

The Official Hurter of Feelings Public Notice

2008-01-26T09:15:00.000-06:00

There are so many hurtful things people can say, and often do. Sometimes people act like insensitive dicks simply because their parents, or other people, have treated them badly.

Whatever the reason, people are responsible for their own actions, regardless as to whether someone has been a dick to them or not. Are you are a potential "Hurter of Feelings" because you feel inadequate, feel superior to others, or just simply enjoy being a dick-head?

Whatever the case, you have officially been forewarned! You also should note that many of us passive aggressive types have already spiked your food and done wicked things to you without your prior knowledge. So remember.

If you give a waitress or a cook, or a parking attendant, or any other service related person, a hard time on a regular basis, you've probably had some really disgusting things done to you in your life.

Perhaps you simply need a reality check, because, you're no better than us, dick-head! So just behave yourself and we won't wipe boogers on your Egg McMuffin, OK? With that said, I offer all those angry, passive aggressive victims out there the, "Official Hurter of Feelings Public Notice."

Download your copy today! Here

Please use it wisely.

-Wade (Jan 08)

Doom 3

2008-01-25T06:43:00.003-06:00

[This game review was obviously done around late summer of 2004, after the eagerly awaited release of Doom 3. What most of you will soon come to realize is that I suffer from a strange phobia called Kine-morta-phobia, which is a fear of zombies. Really! I have zombie nightmares, I get sick in zombie movies, I go into anaphylactic shock if a friend suddenly starts walking toward me like a zombie and moans "braaaaaains..." Well, actually, all that is a lie, but it leads into one of my favorite game reviews I did during my days at the Corsair.

Actually, I once had a college English professor write on one of my journal entries "kinda tangential" (dictionary.com says it means, "merely touching; slightly connected: tangential information"). OK, this isn't a real review of a video game! Sue me! It was frickn' awesome fun to write and my readers loved it! All three of them. Here ya go. Enjoy!]

DOOM 3, Scares the Bejeebies Out!

by Wade Buffington, Issue date: 8/23/04, Section: Scallywag, of PJC Corsair

Most of the injuries I experienced as a child were all to the left side of my head; which is possibly one of the reasons I'm one of those right-brained, creative types with an overactive imagination (rather than one of those left brained, logical types, who think cable TV should have a math channel).

What does all this have to do with Doom 3? Simple; I suffer from the serious, virtually unknown but dehabilitating mental condition called Kine-morta-phobia or the fear of flesh eating zombies from hell—not to be confused with Xeno-kin-e-morta-phobia, which is the fear of alien zombies, and fear of alien zombies is just silly.

Alien zombies are just innocent subcreatures from another planet (or alternate dimension) simply trying to propagate their species through chest cavity gestation and species assimilation. Regular zombies are evil souls from hell that reanimate dead tissue bent on eating people's brains, liver, and face because they know it freaks us out, and that's not nice. That's what the moan, slow zombie walk, extended arms, and foot drag are all about ... pure malevolent evil intent on scaring the bejeebies out of us!

Now it would be easy for me to give a glowing review of Doom 3 and tell you that-much like Spinal Tap's amplifiers-on a scale from 1-10, Doom 3 tops out at 11. Sure, I could tell you the graphics are better than anything you've ever seen before. Of course I could laud it as the best first person shooter to come along since the original Doom came out in 1993.

I could touch on the simple but engaging story about greedy corporate executives and foolish medical scientists—who wouldn't know a good time if it jumped up and bit them on their Botox. I could describe the hero you'll play the young, naive marine; newly assigned to the Martian military lab (who probably just signed up to earn college money through the new improved "Earth to Mars GI Bill" program).

I could also tell you about all the zombies, demons, and hell creatures who come forth in the game to show you a good time, but I won't do it! No sir, I refuse to endorse Doom 3! Don't buy it! Don't play it! Especially in the dark when you're all alone and no one can hear you scream like a little girl in a frilly dress with pink slippers.

Don't even look at the pretty box in the store when it calls your name and sings seductive things like "... come my brother ... welcome my friend...we're all having a delicious party ... and you're the guest of honor..." Because let me tell ya ... in Doom 3 you're not so much the guest of honor as you are the main course at a freakin' zombie buffet!

After all my warnings you decide to play Doom 3 anyway, be my guest. But you too may soon be wearing a frilly dress with pink slippers, screaming in the dark like a little girl. Doom 3 is currently available for the PC, soon to be available on Xbox.

Meet the Real Max Payne

2008-01-25T06:18:00.002-06:00

Something really cool happened back in November of 2007. On Wikipedia, someone cited one of my old writings I did for the PJC Corsair. It was a totally awesome feeling to know that my name could possibly be on Wikipedia for the next 500 years! However,

I sometimes worry that some things on the web will disappear forever, never to be seen again. The thing which would bother me the most to have slip into oblivion would be this very interview with Sam Lake, writer and developer of Max Payne. I did this in 2004 when I was attending Pensacola Junior College.

This one was actually a surprise to both my readers and my editor. So, here it is. Enjoy! This interview I hope is a beginning to a series of interviews I'd like to do. Keep your fingers crossed. Perhaps I'll bring you some more surprises.

Meet Sam Lake, the Real Max Payne

By: Wade Buffington Posted: 3/3/04

When the video game "Max Payne" was released in 2001 the bar was immediately lifted for action gaming, "earning countless awards and revolutionizing the genre."

The game promised things never before seen. The inside and back panel of the game package showed screenshots as evidence to support those claims.

Most gamers agree that the narrative-driven gameplay is one of the groundbreaking elements to "Max Payne's" success.

When my 15-year-old son and I played the game in 2001, we were both blown away that a game could be so enthralling, so artful, and so classic right out of the gate. The story and the writing, a literary masterpiece, especially captivated me.

I was so completely bowled over that I absolutely had to find out who wrote Max Payne, where he worked, and how I could send him an e-mail thanking him for the amazing time I had playing the game.

I found out that his name is Sam Lake, and he works for Remedy Entertainment, a game development company in Finland. He was the lead writer for both "Max Payne" and "Max Payne 2" (MP2). He is also the original face of Max Payne.

I wrote an e-mail thanking Mr. Lake, and he responded, thanking me as well. In December of that year he also sent my son and me a Christmas card with Max Payne in a Santa hat beating up a bad guy.

After playing MP2, which was released in the fall of 2003, I contacted Lake and asked if he would be interested in granting an interview to The Corsair.

Corsair: Sam, thanks so much for taking the time to give us a glimpse into your strange world of PC and console game development. How in the world did you get into this business of script writing for video games? What were the series of events that lead you down this crazy path?

Lake: Petri Jrvilehto, project lead in Max Payne and lead game designer in Max Payne 2, at Remedy is a long-time friend of mine. He had read my stuff, short stories and such, and when they needed someone to write the texts for Remedy's first game, "Death Rally," he asked me. The rest is history. Writing is something I have always wanted to do. Writing for computer games never was a goal of mine; the way it happened had more to do with being in the right place at the right time. But, that said, I'm glad that it happened.

Corsair: One interesting side note that many people don't realize, Sam, is that it is your smirking and grimacing face used for the original Max Payne character/model. I read somewhere that a different actor was used for the second game to give the character an older appearance. However, I couldn't help but notice on almost all of the television shows, billboards and advertisements in the "Max Payne 2" game, that it is your face playing quite a few of the other parts (or at least it looked like it). Are there any other cameos of your face we should look for in the game?

Lake: Heh, I posed as Lord Valentine and, believe it or not, as Mama in "Lords and Ladies," Dick Justice in "Dick Justice," and John Mirra in "Address Unknown." My wife and Marko Saaresto, who also wrote and sang the end credit song, "Late Goodbye," did the other roles. All the shots for the TV shows were taken one Saturday morning last summer after a visit to a costume rental shop. It was great fun.

Corsair: This interview is being published in a college newspaper. Do you have any advice for individuals attending college considering a career as a video game scriptwriter? How is writing a movie script or screenplay different from writing a script for a video game?

Lake: Writing for computer games is not that different from writing for movies or TV, all the basic rules apply. I've studied screenwriting at Theater Academy of Finland, as there really aren't that many places yet were you can specifically study writing for computer games. Naturally, there are differences as well. Mainly, you need to know and understand the limitations set by the technology and the gameplay, what is possible and what isn't.

Corsair: Dashiell Hammett, a pulp fiction writer of the hard-boiled detective novels of the 1920s and '30s ("The Thin Man," "The Maltese Falcon"), seems to be one of your many inspirations for the Max Payne character. I find it interesting that Hammett tired of his Sam Spade character. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle also tired of Sherlock Holmes. Do you have any other interests you would enjoy writing about beyond Max Payne?

Lake: Certainly. Max Payne is a rather gloomy guy to spend seven years with, if you know what I mean. I'm very much looking forward to writing something totally different for a change.

Corsair: In the story Max Payne 2, Max comes to grips with his "Payne" (so to speak), where could he possibly go from here? Max Payne attends therapy? Max Payne relaxes with Mr. Thorazine? Max Payne retires and moves to Tahiti? Is this guy ever going to catch a break? Alright, you've said it in other interviews, "In Film Noir, there are NO happy endings." Will there be a Max Payne 3?

Lake: I am confident that there will be a Max Payne 3. I don't know when it will happen and I'm not sure yet how much Remedy will be involved with it, but I'm sure there will be more Max Payne games in the future.

Corsair: Computer and console games have become the largest moneymaker in the world of entertainment, even bigger than movies and television. As the technology, player interaction and storytelling skill in games continues to grow and evolve, what do you predict games will be like in the next five, 10, or 20 years?

Lake: With the way the speed, the technology and the industry are moving forward, I wouldn't want to guess, but I'm very much looking forward to finding out.

Corsair: Thanks so much for doing this interview Sam. Is there anything more you would like to say to all the people who have played the Max Payne saga and made its success possible?

Lake: Thanks for playing! Hope you've enjoyed it!

(This interview was conducted via e-mail January 2004.)

© Copyright 2008 The Corsair

It's Not About Games

2008-01-25T02:46:00.001-06:00

Is it true that life is a game? The game of life? I suppose for some, life is a game, but not to me. Sure, we try to be winners in life, we hope for the best, we try, in many ways like we would as though we really are playing a game, but life is not a game, at least not for me. To me life is life. Life is not a game. Profound? Not really.

I sometimes lose myself when I play a game. Time is different. I suppose many people, mostly guys, experience this loss of identity. It is almost like a dream state. Many lose themselves while playing a game. But that's OK, because that is why we play games in the first place—to cease to be ourselves and take on the identity of another character.

Although, I'd say god games or strategy games are a little different. They are actually more like sporting events where a coach calls the shots, but they too encourage a change of identity, even if it is a directing identity rather than an active participant. This idea is nothing new.

Throughout history people have enjoyed games. The Babylonians, Egyptians, the Greeks, and the Romans all had their forms of entertainment, and many were obviously centered around sporting games.

Who can forget the big chariot race in Ben Hur, or all the gladiatorial games as depicted in so many movies? Obviously these things really happened in history. Games have been around for a very long time. But sporting events alone, just as today, were not the only games people played.

The Egyptians had their Dogs and Jackals, a precursor to Snakes and Ladders. They also had Senet, which I’m told is a funerary game (whatever the hell that means). And, while the Spartans probably kept savvy with continual swordplay games to keep themselves frosty, the Greeks over the hill probably had other types of games to occupy their time besides Olympic sporting events.

Historians tell us that the Romans also had many board games to play. So, it wasn't just about going to the coliseum to watch gladiators fight, or to watch Christians being fed to lions! In my Viking history class we discovered that they had board games. Medieval folk also, apparently, had games to play when they weren’t pillaging or torturing.

People love games! We always have. Sure, there are many who do not like to play games, especially electronic games, and that’s OK. (It may not seem OK, but it’s OK.) And, even though as of recently, there are quite a few women these days who do actually play computer and console games, there are still many more who do not. Is it really a surprise that the vast majority of electronic gamers are guys? Not really. I don’t know what the statistics are, but I can assure you that females are under represented. Why?

Well, guys and gals are different. We like different things. And, while I know women who play games like Call of Duty, Grand Theft Auto, Bioshock, and Halo, they ARE definitely a minority—a growing and larger minority than twenty years ago, but a minority all the same. However, this writing is not about why there aren’t as many female gamers as male.

Why do I play and love games? Why do you? The simple answers are: Because their frickin’ awesome! Because they rock! Because they…um…they’re fun! OK. I agree they are awesome. Video games are fun, but why do we play them?

Well, I can tell you why I play them. I enjoy being the hero. I like being in the fray of action without being hurt. I enjoy the feeling of accomplishment when I reach the end. I like the fact that a person can be part of an unfolding story and not just sit on the sidelines and cheer—like when we watch a movie, or even when we watch a sporting event.

I suppose, in spite of my own distaste for them, that’s why sporting games are so popular too. People get to play the part of quarterback, race driver, basketball star, golf hero (although there may be other reasons people play those games as well).

However, at least for me, when I play Gordon Freeman in Half-Life, Tony in Mafia, or J.C. Denton in Deus Ex, (or, as of recently, the multiplicity of characters one plays in the totally awesome, Call of Duty 4!), it’s all about being in the story—being in the middle of amazing action against, what would seem to be, unbeatable odds (it’s a good thing we get to reload).

I’m not sure what happens when I get involved with a game, but I will say that the experience, at least sometimes, is life changing or at least mentally orgasmic(?).

After I finished Portal, and the credits rolled, I smiled and stared at the screen as I smoked my mental cigarette and listened to the Portal song, “Still Alive,” which seemed to say it all for me. “Thank God! I am alive! I love to be alive! Living is awesome!”

OK, you’re saying “Yeah, so what! Yah frickin’ hoo! So what? We’re all alive. Big deal! What else ya got, I'm bored.” Of course if you are saying that please let me know so, after I finish crying because you hurt my feelings, I will serve you with my "Official Hurter of Feelings Public Notice"! You bastard!

Yes! I am still alive. You’re still alive! Life is awesome! Which brings me to the point I’m trying to make. Some of you have become so absorbed in games, not because they are so awesome, but because life sucks, for whatever reason, and games have become a way for you to experience something which doesn’t suck.

It's true. We all know guys who have disappeared for days, if not weeks, playing Everquest or WOW. They skip school, work, and even life, and that's not cool.

While, I realize that many of you don’t have lives that suck, I think we can all agree that life is definitely NOT as exciting as a video game, and I’m right there with you in saying so. In games there’s no work, (unless you’re a gold farmer in WOW), in games there is no divorce, no abuse, no absentee father, no bad relationships, or girlfriends who don't want to see you anymore, no public humiliation, no pain, and the thing I enjoy the most is the fact that there is no real death in games (even when our characters die, we do not—thankfully).

Games have it all! Which is probably why so many of us play video games, but (and I always hate to be reminded of this), games are not the most important things in life. In the distant future (I hope real distant), when I'm getting ready to die, and my family is all gathered around me, what will I say? Will I say, “Ya know kids, life was really awesome, because I got to play 4798 games, and spent 156,000 hours playing all my favorite MMOs! I’m especially thankful that I got to finally play Call of Duty 27! Woo! What a ride!” and then I convulse, breath my last breath, and my head slumps. Game over.

Is that how it’s going to be? Dear God I hope not! Because my life isn’t about games, it’s about life. It’s about being around the people I love and getting to do awesome things in life, including play games, but games are not the reason I live. Of course writing isn’t either. Life is more to me than the stuff I do while I’m waiting to die. Life is something that is too precious to waste. What am I saying? Don’t play games? Not at all.

I’m saying, play games and live life! Set goals for yourself! Plan ahead! Treat other people with kindness and respect. Don’t let assholes ruin your life! Take responsibility for your own actions. Evaluate your life and ask yourself where you want to be in one year, two years, five years, even ten years! Find the one thing in life that you’d really like to do and do it! Make a list of things you want to accomplish, and then accomplish them! (and don't worry about the things you aren't able to do).

Don’t let the next big game title be the only fuckin’ thing you look forward to next year! Really! There’s more to life than games. Life is not a game! It is more important than a game! Make it your goal to live life, don't let life live you! Be proactive! And in many ways, if you approach life like you're trying to win a game, you actually have a really good chance of doing just that!

OK, if you’ve gotten this far, then you obviously are looking for something more. You probably already know that life is not a game. The people who don’t get it probably won’t be reading this anyway. So, what are you going to do next? Are you going to go for that degree in college or go to art school like you always wanted?

Are you finally going to learn Japanese and move to Japan to work on anime? Are you really going to ask that gal to marry you? I don’t know what it is you want to do, but I can bet that it probably has nothing to do with playing a game. Now you just have to figure out what it is you really want out of life and then go find it, do it, or become it! Really! That’s all you have to do.

But remember, life may be awesome, but it’s often not as easy, or even as much fun as a game, it’s just better (it's more rewarding). In 2002 I had three things on my "bucket list" (things I’d like to do before I kick the bucket). The first thing on my list was learn how to sail a boat (and that’s another story which ended tragically with me almost dying).

The second thing was to publish my comic strip in a newspaper (which I did for a short time in a college paper), the third thing was to get a degree in college (which I just finished at the age of 46, in December of 2008), and fourth was to write (and that’s what I’m doing with the knowledge I gained in college, but don't worry, I'm not quitting my day job just yet).

Also, keep this in mind before you decide that you want to be a rock star or actor. Sometimes you have to have a day job while you're pursuing your dream. That's the part that is usually the most difficult. Living in the "I want it now!" generation, can be disappointing for those who want instant gratification.

If it's worth doing, you may have to work your fucking ass off to accomplish your dream. And, frankly, some dreams are not very realistic, and will cause you problems down the road. So you have to make sure that you are wise in selecting the correct dream.

That's usually the part people don't want to hear, but you better learn it now, it'll help you persevere with the solid dreams when the ca ca hits that proverbial spinning thing which is supposed to keep us cool.

I will say that I had a few problems achieving all of the things on my list, especially the "almost dying at sea," part. The comic strip was simply something I wanted to try, just because, and then I dropped it. Going to college full-time in the evenings while I worked full-time during the day was probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever tried to do, but I did it! Writing, well, I may not be a Hemingway or a J.K. Rowling, but I’m doing what I set out to do, with my GameGen and science fiction (and this stupid blog), and that’s what life is all about, at least for me. Now you just have to figure out what you want to do. Let me know what you decide.

One last thing—just in case you want to know. The most important thing in my own life has nothing to do with video games. The most important thing in my life is love. The love I have for my wife, kids, and grand kids, and of course the love we have for our connected family and friends. To me that's what life is all about. Cheers!

Wade Buffington (Jan 2008)

The Irony of Beginnings and Endings

2008-01-21T12:18:00.001-06:00

My beginning is not here. It is not even the beginning of a writer, if there is such a thing. My beginning, to some of you, was long ago, though it does not seem long ago to me, (it seems but a blink—my first cliché in this writing—gasp!).

My beginning as a writer is actually, in many ways, my ending—or at least it is the beginning of something new. One could say, as human beings, that we all experience a series of beginnings and endings, which often, and thankfully, overlap (and some lines are blurred beyond definition). We’re born, we die (pretty straight-forward, right?).

However, when we move from gestating pollywog to infant to toddler to child with such speed, it’s no wonder why so many intellectuals and college students fight for such control over the reproductive process—because the whole process is usually messy, totally ruins your body, and stretches parental sanity beyond rational limits (and who the hell would knowingly stand in line for that kind of ride at Disneyworld?).

By the time the children become pre-adolescent and teens, parents are either made or broken. Some parents run for their lives before the fireworks begin (the inner city is full of single mothers, and the outer city is no slouch), others self-medicate into oblivion through alcohol or drugs, still other try to recapture their lost youth through excessive play (adultery, golf, or any other addiction available—pick your poison), and then some choose to be responsible and do the best they can, in spite of the obstacles—which basically means they hold on for dear life and hope nobody realizes they don’t know what the fuck they’re doing.

Strangely, my wife and I fall into the last category. We’ve been married since June of 1981, and (in spite of hideously deformed and ugly bodies), we are still deeply love with each other and have a satisfying sex life. (Now that should paint a disturbing picture!)

Anyway, my wife and I don’t need no stinking sex-robots! All my “sex-robot” comments are more for humor’s sake anyway. I do believe very believable and human-like AI will one day soon become a reality, or as Sheila likes to say, “Synthetic Intelligence, because she hates the word artificial.”

How do my wife and I succeed when so many others around us fail? I don’t have a frickin’ clue! But we do go to Disneyworld a lot!

Anyway, back to beginnings. I was born August 29th, 1961, in Dunedin, Florida, neither of which I remember. I grew up my younger years with a loving, but sadly imperfect family (who doesn’t these days?), and by the age of seventeen I had met the woman I would marry—we would later go on to have three awesome children (Tess, Tiffany, and Mike).

Of course from 1989 to 1992 we cared for a little foster girl named (Tiki), who we still call daughter and see occasionally, and thankfully our kids have all grown up to be responsible adults (so far), and have each started their own series of beginnings and endings.

Some of those beginnings have in-turn given rise (and life) to new beings on Earth (I believe they are called grandchildren), and the circle of clichés continues—but I think having grandkids is a blast! I love them all as much as I love my own kids.

Looking back at this mid-point in my life I can honestly say that I have one of the most awesome lives on the planet!—it’s OK if you hate me for this, because many of you have not had it so good, which brings me to why I’m writing.

I’m actually not really sure I can pull it off, but in the end (at the very least) I wanted to leave my family a written legacy of my thoughts. I also wanted to leave something for the many who will, in effect, spring from my very loins!

Who knows, perhaps sometime in the distant future my great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandson or granddaughter will look back at these writings and say, “Damn! WTF was wrong with that idiot!” but hopefully they’ll say something more positive like, “Hey, that’s good advice! I think I’ll do that!” in which case I will count this as a success.

Writing, in many ways, is like traveling forward in time—it is probably as close as we’ll ever get to real time travel. If the writer is aware of the future reader, no matter how far in the future, he or she can say:

"Hey kid! Sorry I wasn’t able to meet you in person. I’m sure you’re totally awesome! The only thing I really can tell you which might come in handy is to be responsible, do the best you can, treat others with kindness and respect, and try not to get too down on yourself, because life is all too awesome to waste on crazy crap which doesn’t matter! Find somebody to love if you can, and if you do, don’t be selfish—self-absorbed people seldom make good parents, (which explains why there are so many screwed up kids in the world). OK! Now go out there and “win one for the Gipper!"

... because, let's face it, everyone knows that a well placed cliché may not be good literature, but it may sum up how important it is to try your best at winning the game of life, which brings me to the next reason I’m writing, games.

In October of 2002 I retired from an illustrious 22 year long career in the US Air Force, as (among many other jobs I don’t wish to discuss) a multimedia developer (or what the Air Force called at the time, an Interactive Courseware Developer), which was the last job I did before I retired and moved to Pensacola, Florida to do media, and animation for the US Navy as a civil service employee (that’s right! I’m still suckin’ on that big juicy government teet!).

As for Wade’s historical placement, the technological revolution was in full-swing, and I was riding on the crest of the Internet boom of the mid 1990s. I was already a pretty big computer geek by 1998 when I took the job in Interactive Courseware, and, after a twelve year, mind numbing experience working as an NCOIC of Outpatient Medical Records and the Hospital Central Appointment Desk—where I made appointments for yeast infections, pap smears, and genital herpes (see! I’m a real war hero!)—working a special duty assignment in Interactive Courseware was the dream job I had always hoped for.

What I didn’t expect was how it would lead me into the dark and soul sucking world of electronic gaming! (Insert creepy music) Actually, as you probably already realize, I love computer games (mostly PC games of any genre, but I’m beginning to warm up to consoles too).

One of the first things I noticed about all the other dysfunctional computer geeks in the ICW office (at least the ones who were similar to me) was that they loved playing computer games.

The strange thing, at the time, was that I didn’t play computer games, or at least not like they did. I mean, sure, I had played video games since the mid seventies when Pong was first released, but I didn’t have the same love for games that they did.

The only person I knew who loved video games as much as they did was my son, Michael, who was 12-years-old in 1998, and also an avid console gamer. Our son, Michael, is the youngest of our three kids (at least from my loins), and he was always the most challenging of our children (read between the lines here).

Mind you, my daughters got themselves into trouble, but Mike was different, he was sort of nuclear and had an untapped energy which both entertained and frightened us! We discovered very soon that video games were about the only things which kept his attention long enough to give my wife and I a chance to talk.

I don’t know. Perhaps I should have played catch with him or took him camping (we did that a few times), but my dad did those things with me and look how mental I turned out! Anyway, by 1998 I decided that I would find some common ground where Mike and I could communicate.

The first game we played together was Grim Fandago, a fantastic adventure game by Lucas Arts, featuring characters (skeletons) working out things in the afterlife, fitting? Mike had already played through Grim Fandango many times before (along with Monkey Island) and I had asked him if he would like to sit with me and help me when I got stuck, and I got stuck a lot! He loved it!

Almost too much, because the other thing a gamer loves to do is sit behind you while you’re playing and tell you what you need to do next, which can be both helpful AND annoying.

However, we got through Grim Fandango and I absolutely loved it! I had no idea that people actually played through an entire game! (I know, I know, WTF?) I always thought that a person played for a half-hour or so, died a handful of times, and then went and did something else.

Once Mike and I played that first game together, we started searching for other games we could play together. What came next was really the game that began changing my thinking about games, not to mention my life.

The name of the next game was Half-Life. That alone should say it all, but sadly there are many gamers out there who don’t even know who Gordon Freeman is! I’m still shocked when I say the name and they say, “Who?” of which the words come to mind, “Dear God, man! What gaming rock have you been splayed-out under!”

Anyway, one day someone gave me a pirated copy of Half-Life (yes, I have since bought several copies to amend my wicked ways), and Mike and I played through the whole frickin’-ly awesome thing!

By the end of the game, in spite of how I hate game bosses, and the big alien baby with the strange, quadruple head flap which open and closed, I was totally sold! Games weren’t just for fun, they were there to shape and mold one's life and play morning, noon, and night!

Oh, Shit! So this is what it’s like to become a gamer! The next big step I made, after I played all the add-ons, mods, and anything remotely related to Half-Life, I started playing all the best and the greatest PC games of all time, though I still occasionally played on Mike’s consoles.

However, for me Deus Ex, No One Lives Forever, Quake 3, Return to Castle Wolfenstein, Unreal, Call of Duty (the list goes on), were the quintessential games in my life which changed me from frag-bait to semi-competent gaming god (not really, because my gaming friends still call me a French bastard—but I don’t care, I’ve always liked France).

However, all this is still not the reason I decided to “write” about games. There is one game, at least for me, which helped me realize where games could fit into my quickly aging life—enter Max Payne (released in 2001).

At the time Max Payne was released I was still in the Air Force and was working a part-time job in the evenings at Best Buy as a pre-Geek Squad computer tech. I had just gotten off work, I had my first paycheck, and my son and I were walking around another media store in town—I think it was Hastings.

Best Buy has always been a little behind getting some of the new titles right out of the gate, and at the time, they hadn’t stocked the newly released Max Payne which I had been reading about in PC Gamer.

I held the game up to my face and looked it over, opened the cover flap of the full-sized box (they have since shrunk to DVD sized boxes), thought about the small amount of cash in my pocket, and then looked at my son, who was looking at me to see what I would do next.

I then held out the box in front of us and turned the box into a puppet which said, “buy me!” and so I did. What happened next was nothing less than gaming euphoria, followed by a magical epiphanic moment of existential “ah ha!”

As the film noir story of Max Payne unfolded, and I do mean “story” (say it with me, stor-ree), I was entirely mesmerized how it completely sucked me in. I became Max Payne! His pain was my pain.

I had become both the player and the man with gun, or guns as the case may be. Bullet time was a reality, and I totally kicked ass! By the time I finished the game in a pool of my own tears, urine, and vomit (just kidding folks), I had to find out who the hell wrote this masterpiece—enter Sam Lake!

Through reading the small handbook inside the box, I not only found out who Sam Lake was, but that he was the face of the original Max Payne! “Wow!” I thought, “That’s totally awesome!” and it was, and still is!

So I did the only thing I could think of, I wrote him an email, thanked him for being so awesome, and told him about how my son and I totally loved Max Payne. Then a few months later, he sent us a Christmas card and he wished us the best.

I was hooked, but not really sure how, I just knew that Sam had somehow transcended and united both literature and gaming (my English professors are now cringing), and I thought, and still do, that Max Payne is one of the first games to really put the whole idea of, what I later went on to call, GameGen fiction. Why? I think it was how it didn’t take itself too seriously, and even, in one part, referenced the player who controlled Max. “Genius!” I thought.

Of course it wasn’t really until I retired from the Air Force, played plenty of games, and decided that I wanted to go to college at the ripe old age of 41 to become a school teacher, that I began following through with this idea. Of course it never would have happened without the help of the VA, and the monetary whip they rewarded me and beat me with—your tax dollars at work!—which also may be why I want to give away my first short stories and try to try and pay you all back for sending me to college—(not that you had any choice).

I actually had about 24 credits which I’d earned in the Air Force, but as you know, credits are funny things, and colleges are money making institutions that are bent on separating you from yours. So, in August of 2003 I signed up for classes and began a full-load of classes in the evenings while I worked my Illustrator job for the Navy during the day.

The VA had me scheduled for completion of my degree by 2007, and I’ll be damned if I didn’t actually make it with 16 days to spare! It was a crazy schedule that I’m glad is finally over, and I wouldn’t ever insinuate that it was an easy road, but I’m done! Woo hoo!

So, what originally began as a step toward the unappreciated career track of teaching, turned into a decision to stay with what I know (multimedia) and write fiction on the side. Why? Because I’m too old to deal with junior high kids giving each other blow jobs in the back of classrooms, and then getting fired for letting it happen under my ignorant nose. Any questions?

Anyway, my first year at Pensacola Junior College was perhaps the best, most rewarding, and also the most difficult year (it was more of a culture shock than actual work). The first person who gave me my first writing break was a guy named Jim Ellis, who was editor of the student newspaper, The Corsair.

I initially had a comic strip which I’d always wanted to publish called Digital Pirates. He loved the idea and gave me the green light immediately—Jim, who was originally primed to enter the Journalism arena upon graduation has ironically decided to be an English teacher in a juvenile detention facility (where I don’t think they have the same problems I was worried about, but Jim also isn’t allowed to wear a tie, because his employers are afraid he will be strangled with it when he’s not looking. Sounds really fun!

Sorry Jim, as much good as I might be able to do in the juvenile detention facility, I’d just as soon stand on the sidelines and tell potential parents to “teach your children well” because I’m afraid of the ones who weren’t, taught well, that is). However, I will say that Jim is a saint. Saint Jim, that’s him.

The other thing Jim helped me realize was that I could write about games, and I could be entertaining even to someone who’d never played a videogame. That alone encouraged me. After he had given me the OK on Digital Pirates, I asked him if he’d ever thought about putting a game review section in the Corsair. He immediately thought that was a great idea and the Gaming Zone was born! (and later died when I left).

During the life of the Corsair, In the Gaming Zone column I reviewed as many games as I could that year (Doom 3, The Sims 2, Battlefield Vietnam, Far Cry, etc.), given my already hectic schedule, I didn’t do half-bad. The highlight of which was my interview with Sam Lake, who thankfully remembered me and gracefully accepted my request for an interview.

Max Payne 2: The Fall of Max Payne had also just been released, and I did both the game review and the cover story for the Corsair that week in the March 2004 edition of the Corsair, (the afore mentioned interview with Sam Lake—which has even been cited on Wikipedia, Yeah baby! Yeah! Which, by the way, if it ever is taken down, please let me know and I’ll post a copy on my own website).

The interview was a great success, and if you read it you’ll discover that even then I was leaning toward a pursuit of writing about games. However, it wasn’t until I transferred over the University of West Florida that I decided to major in English Writing rather than go for a teaching degree, and let me tell ya, picking English was a rough road.

I actually wanted History, or Biology, but couldn’t because UWF didn’t have enough evening classes in either of those disciplines. That’s right! I got an English degree because, outside of Psychology, and Math, it was the only one I could go for and still keep my day job! Cripes!

My favorite classes at UWF were all the Medieval Literature classes (taught by Professor Yeager—a man who’s actually touched original copy of Beowulf). I also enjoyed studying Romanticism (taught by Professor Lowe-Evans—who made me feel like I wasn’t wasting my time, and inspired me for the idea of GameGen—it was studying both Shelley’s Frankenstein and the life of Coleridge that did it).

I also have an extreme respect for the WWII history professor Derek Zumbro (who has written several amazing books), the History of Film professor Amir Karimi (who is sadly unappreciated by most of his students) , and an Advanced Scriptwriting Professor Marguerite Cravatt (who helped me organize my ideas for my upcoming novel, The Hep Cat Club, more than she will ever know), all of them made the reason I went to college well worth the trouble, in which case I say to all listed above, thank you.

Well, I’ve rambled on with this opening post, and I’m sure it will probably be my most unread piece, but it does one thing, it shows where I’ve been and where I’m trying to go, and why. Why do I want to write genre and GameGen fiction? I want to write about the past, present, and our possible future. I want to write about relationships and how everything fits. In many ways my fiction is about me. It’s about my family, my friends, and perhaps even my enemies (or at least the elements in life which would seek to steal my life away and make it less than it is, be they selfish pursuits, people, or governments).

Why writing? Well, one day I examined who were the most influential people who ever lived, and they were all writers. Writing is my way of trying to make sense of this crazy ass world around me. It gives me an opportunity to examine questions and ideas. Writing gives me a way to enjoy the things I love, and a way to, perhaps, influence the world for the better—and if that happens, great! If not, at least I took a stab at it.

In the end, if I leave an obscure and unappreciated written legacy to my future progeny, that’s OK. The fact is, I’m doing something with the short amount of time I have here on Earth, and hopefully I’m able to enrich the lives of the ones I love, and make a few people laugh along the way. Here’s to the end of what has been, and to the beginning of what lies ahead! Cheers!

[By the way, since I don’t have an editor, if you see anything I’ve misspelled, screwed up, please let me know. I can always use the help! I still have a lot of work to do on the website, and I really had hoped to post the first few GameGen stories before this first post, but nothing ever works out that simple, does it?]

Wade Buffington (January 2008)