Replete with goals, thoughts, ideas, diatribes, poems, screams of victories, and plunges into dark despair, along with commentary of what is currently flashing by my vision through the car windows of my life, I surrender to what was, what is, and what is to be, or not be.
What started out to be a vision to create gamer fiction, after I finished my Creative Writing degree at the University of West Florida (in my mid-forties, no less!), became nothing more than one of the billion blogs out there that nobody from this century will spend much time with, as I've moved on to this crazy stream of consciousness shit nobody but your mother wants to read. I'm okay with that, Ma.
To repeat an abysmally self-abasing, but very funny quote from (probably an unknown) blogger living on some insignificant server in the black hole of the Internet universe, “Never have so many said so much to so few.” I laugh every time I say it, or write it. Really. I’m okay with that truth. This is not why I write this blog anyway.
In retrospect, my goals are much loftier. Hey, I also have screenplays Hollywood refuses to read because I don’t have an agent, and the agents won’t read, because I don’t have a special key to the magical world of possibilities. I actually know that it’s a much more complex problem, but I'm human. I know, I know, people want a show before they throw money. Okay, so... I’ve decided to put on a show.
The show is, in fact just that, since I’ve decided to start my own independent film company and ask a bunch of friends to help me—we start filming our first production this fall. Will it go anywhere? Who the hell knows. Just like a good film, the glory of life is not in the ending credits but in all the stuff that happens between the credits. The ride of life is what it's about, and so far the ride has been fantastic! Mostly.
Sure, I’ll still try to self-publish novels and start a revolution which will get me an agent. Sure I'll write screenplays till my fingers bleed. And, I'll also try to make a few movies. After all, being an animator, writer, actor, director, producer, and guy who's completely full of his own shit is what I'm all about--at least until I grow tired of it all and decide to do something else.
Life is never really about being defined by the things we try to accomplish, anyway. Life, at least for me, is about who we touch along the way, be it our family, our friends, or who we talk into helping us make a movie or reading our screenplays, which are usually filled with elements of who we are--even if the story seems like some crazy video gamer fantasy about zombies and sex robots.
-Wade
