It would seem, in light of the recent proof of my organization skills (i.e. earning a BA in English Creative Writing in the evenings in exactly 4.5 years, while working a full time job during the day) that I should be able to keep up with my own schedule for my blog, writings, and website.Unfortunately, when someone isn't threatening me with an Article 15, a good ass kicking, poor grades, or making me feel guilty with really disappointed looks, I guess I just want to sit back, relax, and lick my hairy balls like a rottweiler waiting for his next Milkbone.
Okay, okay! I admit it! Negative motivation and fear are the two things which drive me on to greatness (or at least dispel my own feelings of self-worth) , and this is where you come in!
Here's what I need from you:
1. I was born on August 29th, 1961. As of this date I have, at the very best (if I live to be 85-years-old), only about 39 more summers before I die. Oh crap! That's not much time! Please remind me of this fact with statements like, "Hey! Ya old geezer! I see senility is coming on early! Get yer ass in gear and start pumping out stories or people will one day say things like, 'Who TF was Wade Buffington?'"
2. If I write something lame, please tell me how I could make it better while you insult my questionable upbringing with things like, "You poor, dumb bastard! Didn't anyone ever tell you that the first few pages of a story are the most important?" or "Hey, ass-wipe, you really screwed up the ending! Change it or we'll hunt you down and feed you to the chipmunks! Idiot!"
3. If I screw up, mispell (oops, I mean misspell) a word, make a grammatical error, or just plain suck, please ridicule me with statements like, "Hey! DUMB-ASS! WTF? Are you sure you graduated from college? Which college was it? Dumb-Ass University? Dumb-Ass!"
4. Oh yeah, and if you actually like something I've done, please don't compliment me! If I think I'm doing good I might get a big head and start the whole vicious cycle of procrastination all over again. So, if you do happen to like anything I do just say something like, "Keep 'um coming, dumb-ass!" That way I'll work extra hard.
Hey, I grew up in the 60s and 70s and then spent 22 years in the military. Negative reinforcement is what I'm used to. That's the way I roll.
Wade
